


Of misunderstandings and other obstacles for love

by ylc



Series: Misunderstandings and other obstacles for love [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, Modern AU, Romance, Self Confidence Issues, Trans Character, fem!Thorin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-03 01:24:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 25,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4081147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ylc/pseuds/ylc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Thorin thinks Bilbo is a transphobic ass, Bilbo thinks Thorin is lovely, but married and yet, they're both very attracted to each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, this… I really don’t have an explanation for this. While I struggled a lot with writing “Identity”, I did enjoy writing it. The theme isn’t really my usual kind, but I figured I could give it another shot.  
> However, while I LOVE writing angst, I love reading humor. And I think that with these themes, fics are usually darker and sad, so I decided to give it a shot and try for something funny.  
> Not sure if I’ll succeed, because humor has never been my forte… but I’ll try! Hopefully I won’t offend anyone either, but let me know if I do, so I can correct that!  
> Anyway, enjoy?

Thorin is busy making dinner when there’s a knock on the door. She glances at the clock on the wall and frowns; it’s a little too late for visitors, but in the end she just shrugs and goes to open the door.

There’s a man standing outside. He’s short; much more shorter than her. His hair is a mess of dirty blond curls and he’s wearing an all too elegant outfit for this part of the town and the time of the day.

And who wears waistcoats in this day and time, anyway?

“Can I help you?” she asks, her tone a little unfriendly. Not to say that she’s usually chippier, but it’s late at night and she had a very tiring shift at work, so that doesn’t help.

The man doesn’t answer right away. Instead he stares at her, apparently a bit thrown aback. Thorin frowns, noticing the way his eyes swept over her body, making her feel self conscious right away. She crosses her arms over her chest and scowls darkly.

She knows how she looks, but there’s no need to stare at her like that!

“Eh- umm- Mrs. Durin?” the man finally stammers out and Thorin scowls deepens. She really dislikes when people hesitates when addressing her.

She’s tall and bulky and she wears clothes that are too big for her, still not fully comfortable with some new parts of her anatomy. Her factions are not delicate or feminine; all in all she knows how she looks, but this...! Seriously, the nerve of some people!

She nods, not bothering to say a word, regardless of him having gotten wrong her marital status. Considering how deep her voice is, she also doesn’t want to give him further reason to stare at her in confusion.

“I’m Bilbo Baggins” the man introduces himself, offering her an unexpected firm handshake, that Thorin accepts out of politeness “I’m a friend of Mr. Grey; he has entrusted me with watching over his properties while he’s out of the city.”

So Gandalf is gone. Again. Well, at least this time he left someone in charge, God knows that every time before the building has quickly descended into chaos whenever the landlord is missing. “I see.” She replies evenly, unsure of what else she’s supposed to say. And the man keeps staring intently at her, making her feel more and more uncomfortable with each passing second.

“I came by earlier, but Mr. Fundin downstairs informed me that there’s nobody home til late at night.”

“I work late.” She replies gruffly. Bilbo seems a little startled by her harshness, but she remains unfazed. He’s the one who has been rude, not her!

“I- Well, I suppose I’ll let you rest then. Ah, have a nice evening, Mrs. Durin.”

Thorin nods and closes the door, never one for chit-chat. The man said his piece and now he can go back to his apartment (well, Gandalf’s, she supposes).

She sighs. The small man had been terribly rude, gazing at her like- like- well, she can’t even put into words like what!

It’s been a little over six months since she started her transition. Before, she had been afraid of her father’s reaction, but as time passed, she realized she couldn’t go on like that. She’s 36 now; how long was she willing to live scared of what her father might think?

As she had expected, Thrain hadn’t reacted well. She had found herself homeless, jobless, without a pound and just the clothes on her back. The Fundin brothers, old family friends, had taken her in for a while, just until she got a job and means to make a life of her own.

Frerin and Dis, her brother and sister, had helped her as much as they could. But Frerin was studying his Master, so he had a lot of loans that needed payment and Dis had two small children, so there wasn’t much they could do.

Finding a job had been nearly impossible. Her father made sure that no one would hire her, unless they wanted to risk the wrath of the Durins. She struggled with half time jobs that she was way too over qualified for and that didn’t pay enough.

With such pressing concerns, she couldn’t really bother with other elements of transitioning.

But finally, she had gotten a job at a bar, owned by a good friend of Dwalin. Of course it was a big change from her previous work experience, but the pay was decent and she could finally afford to live on her own.

She would never be able to afford all the nice things she was used to and her life style certainly changed dramatically, but all in all, she thought it was a small price for her peace of mind.

But everytime people stare- Everytime that people make her feel like something’s wrong with her-

She looks at her half-cooked dinner. Her appetite is gone; she just feels tired now. With another sigh, she covers the pot and heads towards her bedroom, deciding to get ready for bed.

Once in her room, she stands naked in front of her full body mirror and stares at her reflection. She reminds herself she has just started taking her hormones and the operation is too recent, so her scar won’t remain that angry red line forever. Still…

She forces herself not to cry. She’s stronger than this. She can deal with this. She has been dealing with this since forever; she has always stared at her reflection and felt there was something wrong with her body. Now it’s finally starting to resemble the way she feels inside and that’s what matters.

Her father called her crazy the night she came out to him. He said it couldn’t be possible; Thorin was strong, smart, a natural leader. She liked sports, doing manual work, she practiced judo. As if any of that had anything to do with being a man.

She had never identified as male and if her father couldn’t (or wouldn’t) understand that, she was better off without him.

She just wished she hadn’t waited so long.

She reminds herself none of that matters. She’s happier now and soon enough, she’ll finally feel comfortable with her body (or so she hopes). And if she refused to be bothered by her father’s behaviour towards her, she definitely wasn’t going to let a fussy little man make her feel bad about herself.

She is fine. She is happy.

That’s what matters.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this first chapter turned out angsty. I’m not really sure if I should continue, I’m posting chapter 2 right away, but let me know what you think? Maybe I’m treating the themes a little lightly? I’m not sure and if I am, I’m at loss on how to fix it, so suggestions will be highly welcome!  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is chapter 2. Ah… Let me know what you think?

When Bilbo walks back into the apartment, he leans against the door, closes his eyes and sighs.

Gandalf had left him a notebook with messy notes about his tenants with small, silly details

that the old man probably thought would be funny that Bilbo knew; not a single bit of useful information, except for their names. For Mr. Durin though, Gandalf had just written his name.

There had been no mention of any family, so when he had gone to introduce himself to the only other inhabitant of the top floor, he had been expecting to meet Mr. Frerin Durin and instead…

Oh, God, he can’t believe he openly gawked at the poor woman. Oh, how embarrassing!

It’s just… well. She had very lovely eyes and a very attractive face and so it had just had seemed natural… of course, he should know better than to let his eyes wander over someone’s body, especially so obviously, but…

Ah, such a terrible way to introduce oneself!

He had gone and embarrassed himself in front of the very attractive (and married. He mustn't forget that) lady next door . He groans, cursing his luck in every language he can remember. This isn’t how he imagined his day going. Then again, he should know by now that whenever Gandalf asks him for a favour, things always somehow take a turn for the worse.

Well, he just hopes Mr. Durin is not the jealous type. And if he is, he hopes Mrs. Durin won’t mention their meeting.

With a sigh, he goes to the kitchen to finish making dinner. Embarrassment aside, he’s still quite hungry.

* * *

 

He has trouble sleeping that night. It’s silly, he knows, developing a crush after just seeing someone once, but he can’t really help it. She was harsh and unfriendly, but he guesses he earned that by gawking at her. Still, she had the prettiest blue eyes he had ever seen and he has always been a sucker for pretty eyes.

He tries to keep in mind that she’s married, but it’s pointless. And anyway, he supposes it doesn’t matter much. It’s not like anything could ever come from this; it’s very likely that they’ll never meet again. He certainly wouldn’t blame her if she sent her husband to open the door whenever he happened to come knocking.

So no use on worrying over it. Still, he wishes he could at least apologise. It had been obvious to him that he had made her uncomfortable, but she hadn’t been outrightly rude. He felt awful for that; why, his mother would have his head if she ever heard about that! She had certainly raised him better than that!

With that in mind, he resolves to apologize. The following evening, he knockes again on the Durin’s door, reasoning with himself that he is trying to right his wrongs. He most definitely isn’t trying to get another glimpse of the ridiculously attractive lady next door.

Thorin opens the door again and she scowls as soon as she sees him. Gulping, Bilbo forces himself to smile. “Evening, Mrs. Durin.”

“Mr. Baggins” she replies, still scowling.

And God, that scowl does things to Bilbo! He takes a deep breath, forcing himself to concentrate “I- I just- I wanted to apologize about my behaviour last night.”

She arches an eyebrow, before nodding stiffly. “Alright. Good night then.” She says and then closes the door on his nose.

Well, that was… well. He supposes he earned it.

Nevermind, at least now he has apologized. That’s- that’ll have to do.

Besides, what was he hoping to achieve? She’s married.

He just should forget about this whole dratted affair.

Nothing will come of it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned that “misunderstandings” are my favorite trope? They just make such a wonderful opening for drama. But considering the other elements of this fic… I hope it’s okay?  
> Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I just wanted to thank everyone who left a comment or gave kudos to this story. It means the world to me!  
> So, since chapters are turning out to be ridiculously short, I figured I’ll update at least twice a week. I intended for this to be a maximum 10 chapters fic, but then a couple of ideas sneaked in and now I’m not so sure, so…  
> Anyway, enjoy?

Well, that was… unexpected.

Thorin leans against the door, feeling like a swooning girl from a rom com. It’s no use denying that the first time she met Mr. Baggins, she was too busy feeling self conscious to pay him any real mind, but now…

It’s just- He’s cute. Unfairly so. Rude men shouldn’t be allowed to be cute. Not handsome, not really, just- cute. Like a bunny.

Good Lord, did she really just think that?

She groans. An apology. A friggin apology. Is that all it takes to make her swoon? Of course not! He might not have sneered at her, but he certainly had made her feel uncomfortable. He has no right to just come here, apologize and make her feel like a silly teenager with a crush!

Except- he looked so earnest. So genuinely apologetic. And he has such lovely, big eyes.

It’s unfair, really.

This will only hurt her, in the long run. He might have realized how rude he was the night before and decided to apologize like any decent person would, but it means nothing. Nothing will come of this and she should keep that in mind.

Still, how hurtful can a little crush be? It’s not like- She won’t probably see the man ever again. Well, when he collects rent, she supposes, but they won’t convive enough for her to develop actual… feelings.

Right. So, nothing to worry about.

Or so she desperately hopes.

* * *

 

As it turns out, she has trouble sleeping that night. She finally gives up on trying to sleep and decides to go to the roof to have a smoke.

God must hate her, though, because the moment she steps out, she finds that she’s not the only one having trouble sleeping.

Or maybe Mr. Baggins just go to sleep real late, after enjoying a nice, quiet smoke.

“Oh, hello again.” He greets her, with a small nervous smile. She nods in acknowledgment, wondering if retreating now would make her look much like a coward. In the end, she decides to stay, if only to appease her pride a little.

They smoke in silence for a while, just the sound of the city below them for company. She can feel him staring at her from the corner of his eyes, but not like he’s judging her. Just- curious?

“Trouble sleeping?” he asks her just when she’s starting to get unnerved enough to reconsider going back inside.

Thorin shrugs. “You know, I haven’t met Mr. Durin yet. Isn’t he home?”

She frowns, eying him suspiciously. Then she remembers that her lease is actually under her brother’s name, since she doesn’t have her new birth certificate just yet. “You mean Frerin?” He nods, now staring at her with open curiosity. She can’t say why, but that tugs something inside her, making her feel odd. “He’s- well, to be honest I don’t know where he is.”

Frerin has that bad habit. Sometimes he disappears for months, worrying her and Dis to death. Neither of them know what he does during that time, but they’ve learned to just accept it. It’s easier than trying to get an honest answer out of their brother.

“Oh” Mr. Baggins replies softly. “I- I’m sorry if I- I shouldn’t have mentioned it.”

She frowns, unsure of what he’s apologizing for. “No harm done.” She tells him, with a shrug. Mr. Baggins is full of oddities, it seems.

They stay like that for a while longer. Mr. Baggins goes back to observing her with attention, but for some reason, she feels more relaxed now. His stare is curious, but not judgemental and she’s willing to count that as a win.

“Good night, Mr. Baggins.” She finally says, when she finishes her cigarette. He waves at her, smiling softly and she retreats to the inside, feeling her cheeks burning.

It’s silly, terribly so, but there’s nothing to do about.

Anyway, a crush is not the end of the world.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, anyone? I wanted to rewrite this chapter last week, but I couldn’t and now I can’t remember why I wanted to rewrite it, so…  
> Hopefully it went well? Does it feel a little rushed?  
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who read, left kudos and commented last chapter! It means a lot to me.  
> So, here’s chapter 4. For some reason, I keep mixing tenses as I write this fic and although I think I managed to correct them all, please feel free to point out any mistakes.  
> Anyway, enjoy?

So, she doesn’t know where her husband is. It doesn’t… It doesn’t necessarily mean a thing. Maybe they just- maybe she- well, he’s certain there must be a very logical explanation that does not include a separation.

But if it does…

Bilbo puffs out some smoke, thinking about the night’s revelations. It’s obvious Thorin is way out of his league, so even if she’s separated, there’s no way there’ll ever be something between them. If he’s very lucky, they might be friends by the end of his time in the building, but nothing else.

Also, he doesn’t know how long he’ll be here. He needed to escape his provincial live, so when Gandalf came knocking, asking for a favour, he didn’t hesitate to move into the city for a while.

But he’s not sure when Gandalf be back. The man is completely unpredictable; as far as Bilbo knows he might be back by tomorrow morning. Therefore, harboring a crush on the gorgeous woman next door, is the unwisest thing ever.

Then again, Bilbo has never claimed to be particularly wise.

He should keep his distance. Settle for some friendly greetings, maybe polite chit-chat if they happen to run into each other at the roof at night. Maybe sharing a cup of tea every now and then…

No, that one was definitely a bad idea.

With another sigh, he puts out his pipe. He dislikes the smell of cigarette, but whatever brand Thorin favours isn’t that bad. Or maybe he just doesn’t care, seeing he was too busy mooning after the female.

God, he’s pathetic, isn’t he?

* * *

 

The next morning Bilbo finds himself standing outside Thorin’s apartment, a tray of freshly baked scones in his hands. He ended up sleeping little last night and so he ended up baking, as he usually does when distressed.

He knows in his heart this road can only end in heartbreak, but he somehow finds himself uncaring.

He knocks and waits, his stomach twisted in knots by nerves. For a long while, there’s no answer, but finally the door is yanked open, revealing a still sleepy, but glaring Thorin.

Her expression becomes confused once she gets a good look at him. She’s wearing baggy pajamas and her hair is a mess of dark curls; it’s obvious she has just waken up and Bilbo feels immediately guilty.

“Ah, good morning Mrs. Durin. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

She scowls and Bilbo wonders how can someone look that attractive while scowling. A couple of tense seconds pass and finally, Thorin shakes her head and smooths her expression.

“Mr. Baggins. How can I help you?”

“Ah, well, you see-” he’s stuttering and he curses his inability to be smooth when he wants to. He has always had a way with words, but something about Thorin manages to make him a blubbering mess. “I made some scones” he pushes the tray in her direction and Thorin takes it, looking more confused than ever. “It’s just- There were too many for me and- well, I thought- I hope you don’t mind-”

She staring at him suspiciously, frowning slightly. She glances at the small pastries, before picking up one and taking one small, cautious bite.

The way her face lights up right away makes butterflies flutter in Bilbo’s stomach. His mother always said that good food was the way into anyone’s hearts; a belief that Bilbo has always hold.

“Thank you, Mr. Baggins.” She tells him, a very small smile gracing her lips. She still looks suspicious, but not so much.

“I- if you- well, I just- They go lovely with a cup of tea. If you- if you wanted-”

Her expression closes off right away and Bilbo wonders what he said wrong. “Thank you, but I have to work.”

“Right. Right. So… umm… I’ll see you later then.”

She nods once, before closing the door. Bilbo sighs; things didn’t go as well as he had hoped, but neither as bad as he had feared.

So all in all, he’s willing to count it as a success.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I can, I might be able to update tomorrow. It’ll depend on how much work I have, because, apparently, I ought not to spend so much time writing fanfics while at the office. I think it’s crazy, but my boss insists I’m supposed to work instead!  
> Anyway, don’t forget to tell what you thought! You can also find me in my [Tumblr](HTTP:YLC1.TUMBLR.COM)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first of all, a million thanks to everyone who has read/ left kudos/ comment this fic. It means a lot to me; I love getting notifications on my mail!  
> Since I had a very dull day at work, I managed to write 2 chapters (go me!), but I’m torn on where I want this to head. I have a couple of scenes sketched inside my head, but I’m afraid that if I run away with them, this fic will turn into a monster of over 100,000 words and if that happens it’s very likely that I’ll run out of inspiration at some point and so updates become scarce (or stop coming at all). So…. thoughts on that?  
> On the plus side, though, I’ve figured exactly how Bilbo’s going to find out that Thorin’s not married. It’ll have far more angst that I originally imagined, but god, I LOVE writing angst (and reading it. You’ve got a fic that can make me cry? please, point the way!) (but I LOVE happy endings. Unhappy endings are so not my thing)  
> Anyway, enough of my nonsense. Enjoy?

Thorin places the tray of scones on the table, staring at them as they posed the biggest threat in the history of humankind. In a way, she supposes they do; why on earth would Mr. Baggins give them to her?

It makes very little sense.  The man is completely confusing: he was rude on their first meeting and then he had seemed genuinely apologetic the night before. By now she’s not sure what to think. Mr. Baggins is a very odd fellow without a doubt and she’s not sure how she feels about the whole ordeal.

Maybe it’s just a gesture of goodwill, but a part of her (a small, silly, ridiculous part of her) believes it’s something else entirely. Only of course that must be a mistake, because even if Mr. Baggins apologized about their first meeting, it’s obvious he was completely unimpressed with Thorin. Or at least, he wasn’t impressed in a good way.

But then he had- he sort of invited her for tea. Or tried to invite himself, that’s also a possibility. Still, whatever the case, it would suggest he’s interested on spending more time with her and isn’t that the craziest thing ever?

Maybe she’s reading too much into just a gentle gesture. Has she been so starved of kindness, that any random act of it can make her heart flutter like crazy? It sounds entirely too possible. It’s been a long time since she last saw her family and everyone else doesn’t tend to be very nice to her. She rarely spends anytime with her friends (not that she has many, to begin with) and at work she’s constantly busy, so even if her boss isn’t unkind, they don’t get to interact a lot other than to exchange food orders.

So it’s entirely possible that’s she’s reading too much into Mr. Baggins’ behavior. Maybe he’s just a very social fellow; the kind of person that just loves being around others. And seeing Thorin is the only other inhabitant of the top floor…

He ought to try his luck elsewhere, if that’s the case, she thinks darkly. She doesn’t have time for this; her life is complicated enough as it is, without cute little men getting involved. Besides, she doesn’t like tea.

She stares at the scones and finally decides to eat a few more as breakfast. They’re delicious after all; no sense on letting them go to waste. Hopefully, Mr. Baggins would get a clue that she’s not interested in any sort of friendly relationship and this will be the end of it all.

And if something aches inside of her at the thought… well, that’s nobody’s business but hers.

* * *

 

She comes back home late, Dwalin following her. He met her after work, claiming he was in the neighborhood (but she knows he came because he heard about the little altercate with Azog that she’s unwilling to talk about). She tried to shake him off once they arrived at their building, arguing that she was fine, but of course, Dwalin didn’t listen.

“What you need is-” Dwalin tells her, as they step out of the elevator and Thorin groans, knowing exactly where this conversation is heading.

“How exactly is me getting laid going to help my issues with Azog?” she questions, glaring darkly.

“You let the creep get inside your head too easily. If you were a little more self-confident…”

“And how’s getting laid part of that?!” she exclaims, because Dwalin’s logic rarely makes sense. She’s exasperated, angry and so very sad. She just wants to go to bed and forget about her whole day.

“I-”

“Mrs. Durin!”

Thorin holds back another groan as Dwalin arches an eyebrow. She still hasn’t bothered to correct Mr. Baggins, but she really doesn’t see the point. She glares at her friend and turns to face her neighbor, trying (and judging by Mr. Baggins’ face, failing) to smile politely.

“Mr. Baggins. How may I help you?”

“I- Oh, well, you see-” she notices he’s carrying a new tray, this time with some sort of cake. Her stomach chooses that moment to remind her she hasn’t eaten anything other than the scones for breakfast and so she stares longingly at the pastry. “I- I’m trying a new recipe and I was wondering if you-” he gestures vaguely and so Thorin notices the cake is for her. Dear God, what’s this man trying to do?

“Thank you, Mr. Baggins. Unfortunately-”

“We’ll be happy to try out your cake, Mr. Baggins” Dwalin interrupts her smoothly, ignoring the pointed glare she sends in his direction. “Come on in, we can share it over a cup of coffee.”

“It’s my apartment” Thorin grumbles, without any real bite. She opens the door, knowing she won’t shake the two men off until the cake is finished.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to impose-”

“No sense!” Dwalin exclaims, entirely too cheerful. Thorin scowls, but ignores them in favour of making some coffee.

She’s hungry, after all. A piece of cake and a nice cup of coffee can’t possibly hurt.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts anyone?   
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a new chapter! I think this might be around 12-14 chapters, give or take a few. I’m going to take “Sappir”’s suggestion and write the couple of scenes I had sketched in my head as outtakes and post them as part of the series, so I won’t have to worry to tie them with this whole fic. I think it works better that way and it’ll save all of us a whole lot of filler chapters.  
> Anyway… as usual, thanks to everyone who commented, left kudos or simply read this far; it means a lot to me and I’m glad you’re liking it.  
> Now, on with the chapter!

Bilbo’s fairly certain he shouldn’t have let Mr. Fundin talk him into coming in for coffee. Thorin looks unhappy, even if she serves them coffee and then cuts the cake, offering a slice to each one.

She’s a polite, if definitely unwilling, host.

The air is tense. Bilbo doesn’t know what to say or do; this isn’t the way things played out inside his head. Of course, his daydream had been completely unrealistic; after what had happened this morning, he had no reason to believe Thorin would be more open to share a piece of cake with him instead of some scones.

He and Dwalin make polite chit chat, while Thorin watches them in silence, until he notices that the female’s knuckles are bruised. “What happened?” he asks, interrupting Dwalin’s anecdote of work, his whole attention on Thorin’s bruised hand. “Are you okay?”

Thorin examines her hand without interest. “Oh. I hadn’t noticed that.” She says, mostly to herself. Bilbo turns to Dwalin, wondering if he’ll offer an explanation, and finds the other man looking about to murder someone.

“Did he-?”

“Don’t be ridiculous” Thorin interrupts, glancing quickly at Bilbo and then glaring at Dwalin, evidently unwilling to discuss what happened in front of Bilbo. “I was frustrated. I hit a wall.”

“Jesus, Thorin. And you said you were fine?”

“Because I am” she argues, with a roll of her eyes and Bilbo wonders what’s exactly going on here. “Now, if you excuse me, it’s quite late and I would like to go to bed. You can show yourselves out.”

She stands up, obviously done with the conversation. Bilbo wants to say something, but he’s at total loss of what to. So, instead of asking more questions, he stands up, carries his cup and plate to the kitchen, says goodnight to Thorin and leaves.

Dwalin stays and he suspects an argument it’s about to start inside Thorin’s apartment, but he knows his presence isn’t necessary or welcome. With a heavy heart, he goes back to Gandalf’s apartment and locks himself inside.

Apparently, there’s a very complicated issue going on in the apartment next door, but he knows he ought not to pry.

It’s really none of his business, after all.

* * *

 

He knows he ought to let things be. Obviously Thorin is going through a lot and it’s really none of his business. The smart thing to do would be take a step back and forget all about his neighboor. Keeping on pursing her is asking for all sort of trouble that Bilbo doesn’t really need (or want).

His resolution had been made, but it quickly changes next morning, when he’s standing next to the living room’s open window, watching people come in and go out from the building. He’s just standing there, enjoying a warm cup of tea, when he hears it.

Thorin is singing. Her voice is rich and gruff and it goes marvelously with the melody she’s singing. Bilbo doesn’t understand the words; he thinks they’re in an old dialect from the north, but he’s not exactly sure. Still, the melody is sad and nostalgic and Bilbo thinks it’s the most beautiful song he has ever heard.

He sighs, knowing he can kiss goodbye to his resolution of staying away from Thorin. It seems that something, he doesn’t know what, keeps pulling him towards the female. He doesn’t understand it; this is way beyond a simple crush, because one doesn’t go looking for trouble just for a pair of pretty eyes.

It’s beyond stupid, he knows, because he’s fairly certain Thorin isn’t even remotely interested. But this goes beyond that; he quickly realizes he wants Thorin to be happy, regardless of what that may entail.

He’s pretty much screwed, it seems.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts anyone? I’m not sure if I’ll be able to make another update this week, seeing my boss has gone crazy (again. God, I really dislike him) but I’ll try my best!  
> Thanks for reading and remember I’m always open for suggestions! Also, any mistakes you find, please point them out!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since my boss is on vacations, I figured I should update. I’m not entirely satisfied with this chapter, because the beginning feels a little forced to me, but let me knows what you think?  
> As usual, a million thanks for the kudos and comments!

Dwalin doesn’t leave until well into the night; he spends the whole time arguing with Thorin. She honestly doesn’t see what the big deal is: she punched a wall, not someone’s face! That’s an improvement, isn’t it?

She has always have a rather explosive personality. When she was younger, her father used to praise it, saying it would take her far. As she grew older, however, she tried to tame it, because it usually landed her in far too much trouble.

Her reaction to Azog’s provocation does seem like an improvement to her. Once upon a time, she wouldn’t have hesitated to leave him with a broken nose at least . Still, Dwalin doesn’t seem to share her opinion. Apparently, she ought to let someone else handle it. How exactly does one do that? And who exactly does Dwalin think would handle it?

She goes to bed shortly before dawn, so she wakes up late. She’s thankful that it’s Saturday and so she doesn’t have to go to work till 8 o’clock in the evening. She eats some more of Mr. Baggins’ cake and then busies herself with cleaning the apartment.

She sings as she moves around the place; songs of old that her mother was especially fond of. On days like this, she misses her greatly: her mother always knew what to do or say to make her feel better.

She wouldn’t have let her father disinherit her. Heck, if she was alive, her father wouldn’t have reacted so unfavorably (or so she likes to think, although to be completely honest, it’s very likely that nothing would have changed)

There’s a knock on the door and for a moment, she considers ignoring it. It’s probably Balin, ready to reprimand her now that Dwalin has had enough time to fill him in with what happened the night before. Why everyone insists on treating her like a damsel in distress is beyond her, but she supposes it could be worse. So, in the end, she goes to open the door.

It turns out, Mr. Baggins is the one standing outside carrying, once again, a tray with scones.

“Good morning, Mrs. Durin.” He greets her with a smile and Thorin is really confused. After last night… hadn’t she made perfectly clear that she didn’t care for Mr. Baggins’ presence?

“Why do you keep doing this?” she questions, not bothering with a polite greeting. The sooner they talk about this, the sooner it all be over.

“Doing what?”

She glares at the tray and the man blushes. Thorin notices his cheeks become a rather fetching shade of red and almost smiles, but holds herself back, reminding herself that pursuing this (whatever “this” is) is a very bad idea.

“I- I’m sorry about last night-”

“Are you going to bake me something whenever you feel the need to apologize? Because I can tell you right now it’s not necessary.”

“It’s not- Well, you see-”

“I don’t need-” she starts and interrupts herself, unsure of what she means to say. “This.”

“Mrs. Durin-”

“Kindly stay away from my business, Mr. Baggins.” She tells him, ready to close the door on his face, but he somehow manages to slip inside the apartment before she can do it.

“I’m- I’m terribly sorry if I’m bothering you, Mrs. Durin.” He tells her and she huffs. “I don’t- I just wish us to be friends, if possible.”

She frowns and glares darkly at him. “Why?” When he hesitates answering, she adds, “I don’t know what impression you have of me, Mr. Baggins, but I assure you, I don’t need your pity.”

“It’s not- that’s not-!” he splutters out, looking embarrassed. Thorin remains unmoved. “It’s not pity, Mrs. Durin. I just- I can’t explain it, but I want- I want to see you happy.”

She arches an eyebrow. “And you think you can help with that?”

“I would like to try.”

He sounds so sincere and so eager. It makes her suspicious, because the fact that he wants nothing in return is completely unthinkable, but she can’t, for the life of her, figure out what’s in for him. She doesn’t understand and yet…

“I’ll make us some coffee” she whispers, turning around, and deciding to let it go for now. Sooner or later, she’ll find out what exactly is Mr. Baggins after, but for now, she’ll play along.

“Thank you, Mrs. Durin.”

She rolls her eyes. “Thorin.”

“What?”

“If you’re going to insist on going on with… this, you might as well call me by my name.”

“You may call me Bilbo, then.” He says, making a little bow and smiling brightly. Thorin just rolls her eyes again and heads towards the kitchen.

She’s still suspicious, but hope is now burning bright  inside her chest.

She’s screwed, it would seem.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts anybody? I’m almost done with this fic (well, not really. There’s no way it’s gonna be 14 chapters long, but maybe 16? 18?) and so I’m thinking I would like to work on another chapter for “Identity”. After all, as I mentioned, the whole idea came up because of a post in Mpreg, so I’m thinking I should actually write some Mpreg into it… but I’m not entirely sure how. I mean, I have more or less sketched a chapter in Thorin’s POV, but I really, really think I need to write one from Bilbo’s…  
> Sorry for my random ramblings, but if anyone wants to help, I will be happy to hear your thoughts!  
> Thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, since my boss is still on vacations, I decided to update before I go home for the weekend. As usual, a million thanks for the kudos and comments!

After their… conversation on that fateful morning, Bilbo and Thorin develop a sort of routine. Thrice a week Bilbo shows up with a tray of freshly baked scones or some cake, Thorin makes coffee and they talk.

Their talks are a little stiff at first, both not quite sure of how to approach the other and both wanting this (whatever this is) to work. Bilbo is usually a far more open, easy going person, but something about Thorin gives him pause. Somehow, he doesn’t want to fill the silence with empty chit chat and he’ll rather sit in silence than have some insulse conversation.

Thorin doesn’t seem to mind the silence, so he counts it as a win.

Talking to Thorin is a constant exercise in patience and subtlety. There seems to be an endless list of topics that make Thorin close off right away: her family, her job, her friends. In fact, Bilbo quickly realizes he’s the one who talks the most, Thorin just intervenes every now and then when she can relate to something he’s saying.

He still enjoys their time together, so he’s not really complaining.

“You never told me what you do for a living” Thorin says one morning, initiating their conversation for the first time ever. Bilbo is a little startled, since he had just been contemplating how to start the conversation, but recovers quickly.

“Oh, I write for a Traveling Magazine.” Thorin arches an eyebrow and Bilbo feels himself blushing right away. She doesn’t talk much, but most of her expressions are very telling.

“Really? And all this time you’ve been here…?”

“I’ve been sending my articles every week, as usual” he replies calmly, with a shrug. “The good thing about my work is that it doesn’t really require me to be anywhere in particular.”

Thorin looks amused and Bilbo smiles. “Is that so? I would have thought it actually required you to travel a lot.”

Once again, Bilbo blushes profusely. “Well, no, not really. I just- I do a lot of research, you know?”

Thorin shakes her head, a small smile on her lips. “You don’t like traveling?”

“No, not really.” Thorin laughs at that and although Bilbo doesn’t find it particularly amusing, he laughs along. Thorin laughing is a rare sight and he’ll do anything in his power to make it last as long as possible.

“I used to travel a lot.” Thorin says and Bilbo’s laughter dies right away. There’s something very serious and sad in her tone, that demands his complete attention. “My father is the owner of a mining company. As his successor, I had to travel a lot to visit the subsidiaries in other countries.” She makes a face and Bilbo finds himself leaning closer, eager to hear more. “I never liked it.”

It’s the most that Thorin has ever shared about her past and Bilbo finds himself strangely moved. It’s not something terribly personal, but it certainly feels that way. “Any particular reason?”

She stares at him for a couple of seconds, before shrugging non-committedly. “I never saw much of the places I traveled to. Just the airport, the hotel, the subsidiary's offices and the airport once more. It was… boring. Lonely.”

Bilbo’s not sure if he should press for more, but finds himself asking anyway. “Your father didn’t go with you? Or your siblings?”

He knows she has siblings, but not how many or their names. He has never dared to ask, sensing Thorin’s relationship with her family is far too complicated. “No.” Thorin answers, her mouth a thin line. “I was the only one willing to carry on with father’s legacy, much to his eternal disappointment.” She shakes her head. “Even more now, I suppose.”

She doesn’t offer more and Bilbo doesn’t ask. Slowly (almost agonizingly so), Thorin has begin to open up to him and pressing for much, too soon, will only ruin their tentative friendship.

But things are looking up and Bilbo is hopeful.

For what, he’s not sure though.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s quite short, isn’t it? Umm, they get longer after this, I think… This one is more a filler than anything.  
> I’m currently writing chapter 14, but I’m afraid I might have written myself into a corner. I just don’t even know if it’s still believable, although I keep giving excuses on why Bilbo hasn’t found out that Frerin is Thorin’s brother…  
> Still, I think I’ll speed things up a little, although I might end up editing some scenes I really wanted to incorporate in the main plot. I feel like I haven’t really gone into Thorin’s brain, except for the first chapter and I want to correct that, but I’m not sure if the narrative would allow me that… I just don’t want it to feel forced, you know?  
> And I’m also itching to write that other chapter of “Identity” but I’m really unsure of how to approach Bilbo’s POV…  
> Anyway, sorry for the ramblings. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Remember, suggestions and opinions are always welcome!  
> You can also find me in my [Tumblr](HTTP:YLC1.TUMBLR.COM)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here’s a new chapter! Hopefully it’ll be enjoyable? As I said, I worry maybe it’s getting quite unbelievable, but I don’t really know?   
> Enjoy!

It takes Thorin a while to notice people are watching her. Which is funny, because she usually is very self conscious and so she notices right away when someone is observing her. She looks around, slightly unnerved by the intense gaze focused on her and she soon finds it’s her friends’ eyes the ones following her every movement.

She frowns, but keeps on cleaning the tables. It’s almost close up time and a Friday, a few days before her birthday. Most of her old friends decided to come looking for her and try to coax her to go out to celebrate. She declined, but of course they ignored her claims of being too tired. According to Dwalin, all the more reason to go out.

As usual, Dwalin’s logic makes little sense to her.

Still, she must admit she does want to go out with the old gang. It’s been years since all of them managed to get together to do something. However, she’s really tired and she was kind of looking forward to a quiet evening at home (maybe in Bilbo’s company, although she wouldn’t admit that)

Her friends are talking in hushed tones, having being joined by Bofur and Bombur, both owners of the restaurants and therefore Thorin’s bosses. Bifur is the only other one working and when Thorin sends a questioningly glance in his direction, the male shrugs noncommittally, pretending to be busy.

Thorin’s frown deepens.

They continue watching her and she tries to ignore them. When a few minutes later the last customer leaves, she decides to go over and ask why the hell are they looking at her like that.

“You seem happy” Gloin informs her, before she can even open her mouth. Thorin scowls darkly, wondering where did that come from.

“Very happy” Oin agrees with his brother. “So you’re really seeing someone?”

Thorin sends a glare in Dwalin’s direction. Her oldest friend feigns being very busy staring at his mug of beer and so ignores it. “That’s not-”

“He’s quite charming.” Bofur peeps in. “A handsome fellow. Sweet too.”

Thorin groans. She doesn’t like where this conversation is heading. “Bilbo is-”

“On first name basis!” Nori exclaims cheerfully. “Must be dreadfully serious, then.”

“That’s not-”

“A total keeper.” Bombur informs them. “Makes scones to die for.”

“Thorin always had a soft spot for people who could cook.” Balin says. “And Mr. Baggins does make some very tasty treats.”

“He does, but-”

“So, when’s the wedding?” Dori questions and Thorin feels like screaming. “Does Dis know yet?”

Thorin shivers at the thought. Oh, if Dis hears about this… “She does.” Dwalin informs them. “I told her over the phone.”

“You what?!”

“She’s pretty excited to meet him. And Fili and Kili are thrilled at the idea of having a new uncle.”

“Oh, good Lord! Dwalin-!”

“She’s coming to visit on New Year’s” Balin comments off handedly. “She says you'd better have a wedding date by then, so she can start planning-”

“There’s nothing going on between Bilbo and me!” Thorin exclaims, more than a little frustrated. “Nothing, you hear? Nothing at all!”

Dwalin scoffs. “Sure. You keep telling yourself that.”

“Listen.” She says, pinching the bridge of her nose, trying to reign her temper. “Bilbo’s a friend. And I- He- He doesn’t like me that way, okay?”

Dwalin, Balin, Bofur, Bombur and even Bifur scoff at that. “Have you seen the way he looks at you, lass?” Balin asks.

“That’s not- listen, when we met-”

“Has it occured you,” Dwalin interrupts her smoothly, “that when you two met he stared at you because he liked what he saw?”

Thorin can feel her cheeks reddening and she glares at her friend. “It’s not like that.”

“Thorin-”

“No, no. Just- no. It’s not like that.” She heads towards the kitchen, where she proceeds to wash the dirty dishes with a ferocity that people would usually reserve to fight the forces of evil (or something along those lines). Her whole body is tense and she can feel tears prickling her eyes, but forces herself to take long, deep breaths.

It’s not like that. Bilbo is a good friend, but he has never shown the slightest interest in her. He always keep a respectable distance from her and has never ever tried anything, so… No. It’s not like that.

Regardless of what everyone else thinks, she knows better.

She won’t allow herself to hope.

It’ll only end badly for her.

* * *

 

It’s not that Thorin hasn’t had her fair share of suitors. In her younger years, she used to date quite a lot: men or women, it didn’t made a difference to her. It never really feel quite right and it took her far too long to realize the problem weren’t her partners but herself.

Hiding her true self, always worried of what her first her grandfather and then her father would think, she never allowed herself to think too much on what was wrong; on why any relationship never felt right. When she finally admitted (at least to herself) what was really going on, she understood a whole lot of why her relationships kept failing.

Afterwards, she didn’t feel like dating anymore. She couldn’t be honest on who she was, so she saw little point. How can you make a connection based on a lie? Regardless of what Dwalin said, she also certainly didn’t need to get laid, especially seeing sex made her vaguely uncomfortable most of the time and it was downright frightening sometimes.

She was fine on her own.

Even after she came out to her father, after she started really identifying herself as a woman, after she had her surgeries… she didn’t try dating again. In part because there were more pressing matters to attend (like paying rent and buying groceries and living with the guilt of not being able to send Dis money anymore) and in part because she was used to being alone. In a way, she prefered it.

But then of course Bilbo Baggins came around with his sweet smiles and even sweeter talk and the rest, as the saying goes, it’s history.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts anyone? I’m currently writing chapter 15 and I think there’s no way it’ll be finished in less than 20 chapters so… yeah, I’m really bad at planning.  
> Let me know what you thought! Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is quite long… but I just couldn’t break it into a shorter one, so…  
> As usual, a million thanks for the kudos and the comments. You guys are the best!  
> Enjoy?

It’s a Friday’s night and Bilbo finds himself at the bar/restaurant where Thorin works. He has become a regular, going to eat dinner every other Friday and usually staying until it’s time to close, so he can walk Thorin home.

It would make him feel a bit like a stalker, but to be honest, the first time he entered the place he hadn’t known it was where she worked. However, afterwards…

The owners like him and more often than not he finds himself discussing recipes with Bombur. Bofur is nice and funny, so they also talk a lot, when there’s not much people around. Bifur is nice enough, even if Bilbo has trouble understanding everything he says due his head injury.

Thorin glared at him at first, but by now she’s used to his presence and so she doesn’t even complain anymore.

All in all, he enjoys having dinner at the Blue Mountains.

On that particular Friday, the place is filled up. Bilbo sits on his own at the counter, seeing there are no empty tables. His eyes search for Thorin in the multitude every now and then, sending a smile in her direction whenever he manages to catch her eye. She moves efficiently among the crowd, not wasting time to talk to the customers more than what’s strictly necessary.

There’s a group of men sitting at a table in the corner that keep calling her for drinks. Thorin scowls whenever that happens, but fulfills their orders just as quickly as she does with the rest of the customers. Bilbo doesn’t like the small group; they look like trouble. So he keeps a closer eye on his neighbor whenever she’s standing there.

“Need another drink?” Bofur asks, dragging him out of his thoughts. Bilbo nods absently, his eyes still following Thorin’s movements, regardless of her now being on the other side of the room.

“Are you ever going to do something or are you just going to keep pining after her?”

“W-what?!” Bilbo splutters, flushing. Is he that obvious?

“You’re going to cost me a few coins if you carry on like this” the other male informs him. “I’ve bet on 6 months and it’s been almost 5”

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Bofur rolls his eyes. “Ah, all for the best. Maybe that’ll show me no to take bets on people’s love lives.”

Bilbo is blushing scarlet and so he prepares to deliver a lengthy speech on how his relationship with Thorin is nobody’s business, when he notices Bofur is no longer looking at him. “Dammit.” Bofur whispers, his gaze fixed on something and so Bilbo looks around, trying to pinpoint what’s got the other man’s attention.

He soon realizes why Bofur looks worried. Thorin is standing at the table on the corner once more, apparently arguing with the leader of the party. The man is bulky and tough looking, but Thorin doesn’t look intimidated in the slightest. The man tells her something that makes the others laugh and although Thorin blushes, she nods and turns around heading towards the counter.

“Are you okay?” Bofur asks and this close, Bilbo can see she’s shaking. He eyes Thorin with concern, but she just nods her head forcefully. “You sure? I could-”

“I’m fine” Thorin replies, something in her tone not allowing further discussion. Bofur sighs, but nods and proceeds to make the drinks.

“Thorin?” Bilbo questions, worried, but the female ignores him. He can see she’s tense and angry, but he doesn’t know why. He steals a look in the direction of the troublesome table and frowns.

Bofur comes back with the drinks’ order and Thorin heads back towards the table. Bilbo watches her closely, while another client demands Bofur’s attention. Thorin places the drinks on the table and once more the leader of the party says something that makes her glare at him. The man laughs and then spanks her.

Thorin jumps back, obviously startled, her mouth open in a silent exclamation. She looks surprised, more than anything, but Bilbo knows indignation will soon replace her surprise. However, before she has a chance to react and before Bilbo even knows what he’s doing, he’s standing in front of her, glaring at the man, who’s laughing once more.

“I think you owe the lady an apology” He tells the other male, standing as tall as he is, trying (and probably failing) to look as menacing as possible.

The man stops laughing abruptly. He stares at Bilbo like he is a particularly bothersome insect and then stands up, towering over Bilbo easily. He gulps, but holds his ground. “What did you say?”

“I said, I think you owe the lady an apology.”

The man scoffs. “Lady? I see no lady. This little slut-”

Bilbo hears Thorin’s intake of breath, probably preparing to defend herself, but Bilbo beats her to it. He doesn’t know where his reaction comes from, because he’s a very peaceful man that avoids conflict as much as possible, but something about this brute…

He throws a punch. The man isn’t expecting it, so his fist manages to connect with his jaw. There are few seconds of silence, when everything seems to hold still and then the man lets out an outraged cry, before throwing a punch of his own.

Bilbo might be smaller, but he’s also faster, so he manages to avoid the first blow. He can hear there’s a commotion going on around them, but he can’t bother to look, knowing that the slightest distraction will cost him greatly. The man keeps throwing punches, obviously getting angrier with each one he manages to dodge. However, Bilbo’s not fighter and he knows that sooner or later, he’s going to lose this fight.

There are some more screams and then a gun’s fired, so Bilbo looks around, startled. The man takes advantage of his distraction and punches him straight in the nose, making everything go dark.

Before he loses consciousness, he’s vaguely aware of Thorin’s concerned cry and then he knows no more.

* * *

 

“It’s most definitely broken. He’ll need to go to the hospital”

“Well, you’ll have to wait till he’s released. We’ll have to wait for-”

“Come on Bard, you know Azog was the one who started the fight.”

The conversation goes over Bilbo’s head; he can’t really bring himself to care too much about it. He thinks he recognizes the voices, but he’s not sure.

“He’s waking up.”

Bilbo opens his eyes and stares at the unfamiliar ceiling. It takes him a couple of minutes to realize he’s not home and that there are people talking to him. “I’m sorry, what?”

A sigh. “I said, are you feeling alright, Mr. Baggins?”

He tries to sit up, but his head feels fuzzy, so he stays lying down. He turns his head as much as he can to face the one talking to him, trying to remember where has he heard that voice before. “Mr. Bowman. What happened?”

Bard Bowman lives in the first floor. Bilbo knows he works at the police station, but that knowledgment doesn’t help him to figure out what’s going on.

“You don’t remember?”

He shakes his head slowly. His whole face hurts, so he places, very carefully, a hand over his nose. Well, that’s what’s broken, it seems.

“You got into a fight, lad.” The other person in the room says and Bilbo turns his head to face him. He thinks he’s seen him before at the Blue Mountains, one of Thorin’s old friends. Oin, maybe? “Balin is already sorting it out. You’ll be out of here soon enough.”

“I don’t think-” Bard starts, but gets interrupted by the sound of footsteps. Everyone turns towards the door and Bilbo’s heart takes a leap at seeing Thorin standing there, looking deeply worried.

“You’re awake” Thorin says and she sounds so relieved that Bilbo wonders once again just what happened. Why would he be involved in a fight, anyway?

Bard lets out a heavy sigh, but goes to open the door to the cell. Thorin enters right away, kneeling down next to Bilbo. She looks him over and for a crazy second, Bilbo worries about the blood that’s probably all over his clothes. Apparently satisfied with what she sees, Thorin’s attention goes back to his face and she flinches slightly, concern reflected in her blue eyes. The emotion soon changes, though, turning into an anger that Bilbo doesn’t understand.

“What were you thinking!” she exclaims, punching his shoulder with more force than is probably necessary. “You could have been seriously hurt!”

And that’s when the memories start to flood back. He remembers being at the restaurant, a customer pestering Thorin, spanking her and then…

Oh God. He really got into a fight. He got into a fight to defend Thorin. Well that’s… that’s something he never thought he would do.

He’s strangely proud of himself. “He was disrespectful towards you.”

Thorin scoffs. “I’ve dealt with worse.”

“That doesn’t make it right. Would you really have me just watch and say nothing?”

Thorin observes him closely, frowning lightly. A slight blush is quickly spreading across her cheeks and so she looks away. She chews her lip for a couple of seconds, probably thinking about something, before she sighs, shakes her head and smiles sheepishly. “You shouldn’t have.” She whispers, leaning down and resting her forehead against his. His nose protest and the sudden slight contact, but he can’t bring himself to care about it when Thorin is this close.

“I’d do it again.”

She laughs wetly, obviously hiding tears with laughter. “Let’s hope you don’t have to.”

Well, to be completely honest, Bilbo hopes that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts, anyone? Since I’m not going to work tomorrow, I think I’ll update next “chapter” later in the evening. It’s an interlude and it’s ridiculously short, so…  
> Thanks for reading!


	11. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I promised, here's the short interlude.  
> It's ridicolously short, but I hope you like it!

“So, have they finally talked about their feelings?”

“If only one good thing comes from this encounter with that creep-”

“They’re fine, though. And that’s what matters.”

“No, what matters it’s that even after that, Thorin remains convinced that Mr. Baggins isn’t interested in her romantically.”

A collective groan raises from the table. This is getting ridiculous.

“So, who’s up for a new round of bets?”

The table groans once again but soon enough everyone is placing their money on when will the two oblivious fools are finally getting together.

Dwalin is fairly certain that his guess (never) is the only accurate one.The prospect of all that easy money doesn’t make him happy, though.

He’ll rather see Thorin happy, after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? Short. Still, thoughts?  
> Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… despite my boss valiants efforts to drive me insane with work, once again I succeeded in finishing on time, even if it costed me many hours of writing. However, I decided to reward myself with writing some fluff (and so finally knocking some sense into this lovely pair, although I’m sorry to say you won’t be reading that in a while) and with posting this chapter.  
> Enjoy?

There’s a small, silly, foolish part of Thorin that actually believed that Bilbo’s display of heroics might have meant something. She’ll admit she found the whole ordeal quite heroic, even if a) she didn’t need anyone to defend her and b) she ended up knocking Azog out herself.

Of course, she had told herself, quite logically, that Bilbo was just behaving like a proper gentleman defending a lady’s honor (or something. The guy is “old fashioned” like that). Still, she had secretly hoped it held a deeper meaning.

But it’s been 3 months since the incident and while Bilbo still shows up for coffee thrice a week (and now every weekend for breakfast and occasionally for lunch), he hasn’t made a move on her. So it seems he’s just the perfect gentleman.

Could he be any more perfect?

She’s frustrated with herself for allowing that small hope. She had always known he wasn’t interested, no matter what everyone else seemed to think. But after that…

Well, it doesn’t matter anymore.

She’s happy, though. Bilbo is a good friend and he makes her laugh quite a lot; something that had always been a very rare occurrence, even before the conflict with her father. She enjoys their conversations, even if there are still things she’s unwilling to share. They’re friends and that’s good enough.

And if she sometimes finds herself fantasizing about the life the could have together… Well, that’s nobody’s business but hers.

* * *

 

On the plus side of her work, Azog hasn’t show his ugly mug since the “fight” with Bilbo. On the downside, her friends are now dropping by at least twice a week to “check on her”.

In reality, however, she knows they’re keeping track of how their bets are going.

It stings a little, that they would make bets on her love life (or lack of it). She knows they mean no harm and that’s why she hasn’t confronted them, but it still hurts a little.

She was fine on her own. She didn’t- She didn’t need someone. Unlike her siblings, who since they were old enough to understand what love was had been actively looking for it, she never felt the need of it.

Still, she has come to realize that she always hoped for her Prince Charming to show up. And when he finally did… well, he certainly wasn’t what she would have expected, but he had been as charming as they come.

Problem was, the feeling wasn’t mutual. Bilbo saw her as a friend and nothing more. And she could live with that, she really could, if people stopped giving her false hope!

She’s a 36 year old woman. She has no time for silly fairy tales come to live.

So whenever she catches a glimpse of money exchanging hands once another month is over, she just looks away and forces herself not to dwell on it. They are her friends. They mean no harm. They honestly believe (for some odd reason) that they’re right and that they’re helping her.

In her heart, she knows the truth, though.

And that hurts even worse.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts anyone? The fluff is coming, I swear! (along with the angst. I just need to decide when exactly is Frerin going to show up...)  
> Thanks for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a new update! Sorry for taking long, but I’ve been real busy the whole week. Hopefully it’ll be over very soon and I can get back to steady updates!  
> Anyways, as usual, a million thanks to the people who commented and left kudos.  
> Enjoy?

Bilbo wakes up to the sound of some catchy pop song blasting full volume through the speakers. He’s confused at first, because he’s supposed to be alone at the apartment, but he quickly realizes the sound isn’t coming from inside the flat but from next door.  
He frowns. It’s late, almost midday, but he doubts Thorin is up just yet. After all, seeing yesterday was her last day at work before the holidays, they went out to celebrate (and by they he means all of Thorin’s friends and himself) and so they had come back home quite late (and quite drunk)  
And anyway, as far as Bilbo knows, Thorin favours quiet, sad, instrumental melodies and not- well, whatever is that that’s playing.  
He stands up and forces himself to make himself somewhat presentable before going to see what’s going on next door. His mouth feels like it’s full of sand and no amount of water seems to help, but a quick glance into the mirror shows that he doesn’t look as bad as he feels, so he counts that as a win.  
He knocks on the door of Thorin’s apartment and waits. The music is still playing, but the volume has been lowered, for which he’s thankful, since it was killing his poor head.   
The door opens, revealing two young boys around the same age, who are staring at him expectantly.  
“Eh- who are you?” he questions and cringes internally at his lack of manners. Sure, the boys might be just around 10, but that doesn’t excuse him.  
“Fili”  
“And Kili”  
“At your service!” the boys announce, bowing deeply. Bilbo stares at them, trying to remember where he has heard the names before (he’s still half-asleep, after all) until he finally remembers those are Thorin’s nephews.  
“Oh. I- I’m Bilbo. Bilbo Baggins.” He hesitates for a second, before bowing clumsily “At your service, I suppose.”  
The boys giggle, before turning around and running into the apartment, yelling for someone. Bilbo stays by the door, still a little startled by the unexpected encounter.  
“So you’re the infamous Bilbo Baggins.”  
The woman now standing in front of him looks like a younger version of Thorin. Her factions are rounder, somehow softer, but still as lovely as her sister’s. She also shares her sister’s big blue eyes and the long curly black hair that is currently pulled into a loose ponytail.  
“Eh- yes?”  
She laughs brightly. Laughter seems to come easier to her, judging by the laughing lines all around her mouth and eyes. Bilbo smiles uncertainly, more nervous than he would be willing to admit.  
Then again, he’s meeting Thorin’s sister and he’s a) hungover, b) thirsty and c) dirty.  
“Eh, well, I’ll just-”  
“You’re shorter than I imagined.” The woman carries on, while Bilbo struggles to remember her name. “But somewhat cuter. Like really, really cute.”  
Bilbo isn’t sure if that’s a compliment. “Thank you?”  
She laughs once again. “Come on in. Let’s test those legendary culinary skills of yours, huh?”  
Bilbo follows her inside, still unsure of what’s exactly going on. Now he wishes he had taken a shower before coming here, so at least he would be little more awake to handle all of this oddness. “If you don’t mind- Who’s been telling you about me?”  
She looks over her shoulder and offers him a coy smile that somehow manages to make him blush. Really, if Thorin’s other siblings (and he knows there are more, even if he doesn’t know how many or their names, her family is a subject that’s most definitely off-limits) are as gorgeous as her, he hopes he never has to deal with all of them at the same time because he’ll end up terrible flustered and make a fool out of himself.  
At least this time he’s not gawking at the poor woman.  
But that might have to do with the fact that he keeps comparing her to Thorin and she’s not quite as lovely as her sister.  
“Eh, Mrs.-”  
“Oh, none of that!” she exclaims cheerfully. “Just Dís is fine.”  
Dís. Right. “Dís, then. Who-?”  
“The whole Company, really. They’ve all been singing praises to the hero who saved my sister of the nasty claws of that Azog creep.”  
That’s not exactly what happened, but he doesn’t argue. His nose has healed since then, but it’s still a little tender. “The Company?”  
“Oh, Thorin’s friends. They- well, I don’t exactly recall how we came up with the nickname… It was Frerin’s idea, I think…”  
There are days when Bilbo can almost forget the reason why he keeps himself from making a move on Thorin. Other days, however, somehow, someone manages to casually mention the gone-for-10-months husband.  
It always irritates him somewhat.  
“I assure you, they’re exaggerating.”  
She stares at him critically and Bilbo is hard pressed not to flinch under her intense scrutiny. When she’s looking at him like that, the resemblance to Thorin is quite striking. “Huh. Are they also exaggerating when they claim you’re in love with my sister?”  
Bilbo blushes scarlet, silently praying for Thorin not to be listening to them. “I don’t-”  
“Just what are your intentions towards my sister, Mr. Baggins?”  
“I-”  
He’s saved by the sound of the phone ringing. He barely manages to contain a relieved sigh when Dís goes to answer it. However, he’s left standing in the middle of the living room, with nothing to occupy himself with.  
He wants to run back to his apartment and pretend this conversation never happened. However, he guesses that since Thorin is probably also hungover, it might be nice to stay and make sure she has some nice breakfast.  
And it’s Saturday, so it’s his turn to cook breakfast for her anyway.  
He goes to the kitchen and busies himself with breakfast, praying that whoever is with Dís at the phone will make her forget about the uncomfortable conversation they were having. Sure, he’s in love with Thorin and everyone seems to know it, but there’s no need to rub into his face the fact that he can’t have her.  
Even if her husband is still missing after 10 freaking months!  
“What are you doing?”  
“Eh- breakfast?”  
Dís observes him curiously. “You seem to know your way around the kitchen.”  
Bilbo shrugs. “Thorin doesn’t like spending time at Gandalf’s apartment, so I cook breakfast here every weekend” Dís is still watching him curiously, so he carries on. “I mean, she really can’t cook, so…”  
“How long has this been going on?”  
“Eh… 4-5 months?”  
“Oh, they owe me money!” Dís exclaims loudly, dialing someone’s number furiously. “This is as married as you can get!”  
Bilbo wishes to protest, but he suddenly becomes aware of something. Dís is talking really loudly, the music is still playing, he can hear Fili and Kili screaming while playing and yet, he hasn’t seen Thorin. With so much noise, no matter how tired she is, she would be up, wouldn’t she? “Where’s Thorin?”  
Dís looks at him, while waiting for the other person to pick up the phone. “At the airport. She seemed to be under the impression that when I called her, I was asking for ride here.”  
The airport. The airport that’s almost an hour away. Oh, poor Thorin, making such a long ride for nothing. She’s not going to be happy when she comes back.  
“Eh-”  
“Don’t worry. She might have some anger issues, but she’ll never stay mad at her baby sis” She bats her eyelashes playfully, pouting slightly. Bilbo turns his attention back to breakfast.  
“Will you bake some of those famous scones? The boys are dying to try them out.”  
Bilbo nods, tightly. It seems he’s going to spend an awful lot of time in here, before Thorin even shows up. Now he really wishes he had taken that shower.  
“Now, back to business. What did you say were your intentions towards my sister?”  
It seems that nobody is answering the phone. Bilbo mentally prepares himself for the conversation to come, but he’s saved this time by the sound of something breaking. He has never been more thankful for Thorin’s collection of small crystal figures. “Shouldn’t you go check on that?”  
Dís glares, once again resembling her sister a lot. “This conversation isn’t over, Mr. Baggins.” She tells him ominously, before heading towards the bedroom, looking for her sons.  
Bilbo sighs. Things don’t look very promising.  
Not promising at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter ran a little away from me… chapters from Bilbo’s POV are usually easier, for some reason…  
> Anyway, thoughts anyone?  
> Thanks for reading!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here’s a new update! As usual, a million thanks for the kudos and the comments!  
> Enjoy!

Somehow, she manages to drag herself back into the apartment without suffering any accident on the road. She’s tired, terribly so and slightly angry at Dís for not telling her sooner that they were taking cab towards her flat; however, her tiredness overcomes her anger.

On the plus side, her sister and nephews are home now. She misses them a lot and she wishes she could see them more often, but now she lacks the means to. There are days when she thinks that maybe coming out to her father hadn’t been a good idea, but Dís never hesitates to tell her exactly what she thinks of that line of thought.

Her happiness is important. She’s allowed to be happy. Her sister and her sons’ well being aren’t her responsibility and they appreciate her help, but not at the cost of her happiness.

She smiles at the thought. Things would have been far more complicated if she didn’t have such a loving sister and her wonderful sons. Frerin was also supportive, in his way, but he’s just not as open with his thoughts and feelings as Dís is.

All in all, her mood has certainly improved since she woke up this morning with a hungover to the sound of her phone ringing.

The moment she steps outside the elevator though, things take a turn for the worse. The smell of freshly made pancakes fill the air of the hallway and she quickly realizes it’s coming from her apartment. Now, that wouldn’t be a bad thing on a regular Saturday but today it means-

It means that Bilbo is making breakfast. Bilbo is making breakfast in her apartment. Bilbo is making breakfast in her apartment with only Dís (and the kids) for company. Bilbo has met Dís. Dís is probably-

“Oh, crap” she whispers darkly, rushing towards the apartment, even if she knows it’s pointless. She was hoping Bilbo and Dís wouldn’t interact much or at least they wouldn’t do it without her in the room. The two of them alone- Oh god, she only hopes Dís hasn’t been bullying the poor fellow.

She enters the apartment and heads towards the kitchen immediately, barely aware of Fili and Kili’s delighted cries of “Auntie Thorin!”, her whole focus on finding her sister and taking her away from her… friend.

Oh god, what if Dís told him about the Company making bets on them?

“It seems Mr. Baggins’ culinary skills are as legendary as the guys made them sound.” Dís informs her once she steps into the kitchen. She’s holding a plate with a half eaten pancake and she’s smiling like crazy.

“Dís” that’s her scolding tone and her sister’s slightly maniacal grin fades. She looks chastised and while her puppy eyes would usually make her feel guilty, they’re not working right now. “Please leave Mr. Baggins alone.”

“I’m almost done anyway” Bilbo replies, his cheeks as red as a tomato and avoiding looking at her, which makes Thorin wonder once again, just what has Dís been telling him.

“Dís, a word please.”

“You know your nephews have been dying to see you again and-”

“Now, Dís.”

At her tone, Bilbo looks over his shoulder, staring at her curiously. However, Thorin barely notices, her whole focus on her little sister who’s now pouting like a child having been denied a new toy.

She turns around, knowing her sister is following and heads straight to her bedroom. Fili and Kili look up from where they’re playing and Thorin considers sending them to the other bedroom for a while, but quickly changes her mind. She should have this conversation with all of them. “I don’t know what the Company has been telling you about me and Bilbo, but if any of you-”

“Oh, Thorin, please! It’s a classic case of denial! I just-”

“You won’t do anything” She argues, glaring darkly at her sister. “I know you’re trying to help, but I just don’t want to make things awkward between us, alright? He’s a good friend and I’ll rather not lose him.”

“Thorin, he’s-”

“I don’t want to hear it, Dís!” She exclaims, perhaps a little too loudly. “Regardless of whatever you and my friends seem to think… I don’t need you mendling in my business, alright?”

Dís sighs dramatically, but nods. She turns then to her nephews, who are staring at her in confusion. “Does this mean we won’t get a new uncle?” Kili asks, turning towards her mother and Thorin groans, exiting the room and leaving Dís to deal with her children.

“Is everything alright?” Bilbo questions, while carrying breakfast towards the table.

“Yes. Perfect.” Her smile feels a little tight and Bilbo doesn’t seem even remotely convinced, but he nods, knowing not to pry.

Later, as she watches Bilbo eating breakfast along with her sister and nephews, laughing at the laters’ attics, she can’t help to wish everyone was right and Bilbo actually wanted her.

But that’s just wishful thinking and she knows better than to indulge in it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s not as long as the previous one, but not so short as 12, so I count that as a win! ;)  
> I finally have enough time to write (at least for the time being) so I hope I’ll be able to finish this before my boss comes up with something else for me to do.  
> And I finally got around to writing chapter 3 of “Identity”, but I’m super unsure about it! I feel like there are a million tags I should add, but I just don’t know which ones and I’m worried I messed up so… if you’re interested, I would love to hear your thoughts on it! I think I’ll update tomorrow…   
> Thanks for reading!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here’s a new chapter! I intended to finish this fic before I got stuck with a bunch of work once more, but I started writing for “Identity” and well… I’m not quite done yet.  
> But the good news are that I’m on chapter 17, where everything is happy (until Frerin shows up- but don’t worry just yet!)  
> Anyway… enjoy?

Bilbo was already used to having breakfast with Thorin on weekends. When she told him she was having a few days off work due the holiday season, Bilbo had offered to make breakfast daily. It just seemed like the next most logical step.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing anymore, to be completely honest. It’s not romancing, not really, but it goes beyond simple friendship. There are days when they just talk and joke and are silly together and there are days when…

Well, Bilbo wouldn’t call it flirting (because if that’s Thorin’s idea of flirting, it’s a real wonder she’s married at all) but something close. Uncomfortably close.

And of course Bilbo would jump at the chance of their relationship progressing, but the thing is… He’s not certain that Thorin is ready to start dating. She doesn’t talk about Frerin often, but when she does, it’s a little painful to watch. Based on Thorin’s tales, Bilbo thinks they met really young and basically grew up together. She smiles fondly whenever she recalls some of their shenanigans and Bilbo can practically see her glowing with love and pride whenever she tells a particularly amusing tale.

It’s odd, really, because the man has been gone for 10 months, without bothering to even call, but Thorin seems to care for him a great deal.

Also, the rest of her friends don’t help the matter. They all also have  amusing stories of Frerin and it seems he and Thorin were very close since they were very little. But if that’s the case, Bilbo doesn’t understand what happened and of course he can’t just ask: considering how quickly Thorin closes off when they broach an uncomfortable topic, Bilbo knows not to ask. He listens closely and reads between the lines, but he doesn’t ask.

Which is why there are still a lot of questions he doesn’t have an answer to, but he won’t press.

Still, now that Dís is here, he wonders if he should ask her. She seems more open and probably would be more willing to answer his questions, but he feels that it would violating Thorin’s trust. If there are things she hasn’t shared, he shouldn’t try to pry. She has her reasons and he should respect that.

But he’s dreadfully curious about Frerin.

Ever since Dís arrived, she has been trying to ask him about his intentions towards her sister. So far, Bilbo has always been saved by something or someone from answering, but his luck is bound to run out sooner or later.

The whole thing is a little odd, though, because she also seems terribly fond of Thorin’s husband. So do the children for that matter. It just doesn’t add up.

He’s making breakfast on Christmas Eve, thinking about that, when he hears it. He knows eavesdropping is awfully rude, but they’re making no effort to keep their conversation private, so Bilbo just makes sure to listen very closely.

“- why hadn’t you told me!” Thorin’s exclamation is what gets Bilbo attention on the first place. He peeks into the living room and find the sisters arguing, Dís holding her phone rather defensively, while Thorin glares.

“I didn’t want to worry you.”

“Worry me? Don’t you think not knowing would worry me more?”

Dís sighs. “No, not really. I- Well, you know how Frerin can be…”

“What did he do this time?”

There’s a long silence and Bilbo wonders if it’s just they lowered their voices too much. Finally, he hears Dís talking again. “-and so he ran off with some girl to… Mexico? I think?”

“And you didn’t tell me?!”

“Because I knew you would react like this!” Dís exclaims “Oh, please, Thorin, don’t get mad-”

“Mad? Mad?! I should go over there and drag him back!”

“Like it would make a difference. You know how he is.” There’s a long pause afterwards. “You ought not to worry; he’ll come back as sooner or later. He always does.”

Thorin makes a frustrated noise and Bilbo decides to stop listening. He can feel anger running through his veins; how could someone be married to Thorin and do something as stupid as running away with some other chick? The man is an idiot, if nothing else. In fact, Bilbo has a rather long list of words to describe Mr. Durin, but idiot is the most polite one.

“Breakfast is ready!” he calls out, wanting to alert the females of his presence, not wanting to accidentally listen to something else that would make him want to strangle Mr. Durin if they ever meet face to face.

When he walks into the living room, Thorin is sitting on the couch, holding her head between her hands. Dís sits quietly next to her, looking apologetic. “Is everything alright?” he asks, aching to go and hold Thorin, but not sure if that would be a good idea.

“Yeah, everything is quite alright” Dís replies, smiling softly. She pats Thorin’s shoulder as she stands up. “As I said, you need to stop worrying sis. Focus on your own happiness, instead.”

Thorin growls (actually growls) at that, but stands up too and although she looks angry, she doesn’t look particularly heartbroken. Bilbo wonders if that’s because she’s still in shock or if it’s something that has happened so many times before that it doesn’t surprise (and hurt) her anymore.

Once again, he wonders what happened to this marriage.

And where exactly does that leaves him standing.

* * *

“What are you doing tonight?”

Bilbo looks up from where he’s playing with Fili and Kili and stares at Thorin. After breakfast, she has been acting a bit odd, but he supposes that’s understandable, considering the conversation she had with her sister previously. He tries smiling and succeeds, to an extent.

“Nothing in particular, why?”

Thorin rolls her eyes. “It’s Christmas Eve. Are you going to spend it alone?”

Bilbo shrugs. “Just like any other year.”

“That ain’t right” Kili informs him, very seriously, his toys momentarily forgotten.

“Not right at all” Fili agrees, now staring intently at him too.

“You should come with us.”

“It’ll be fun!”

Thorin rolls her eyes once again, as her nephews chat away happily, describing in great detail their plans for the evening. Bilbo smiles; they’re really enthusiastic children and he can’t help to feel already quite fond of them.

“They’re right” She tells him, coming to sit next to him on the floor. “We’ll go with the rest of the guys and it’ll be… entertaining.”

Bilbo laughs warmly. “Well, I’ll be honored to accompany you.”

She stares at him funnily and Bilbo worries he should have phrased that differently. However, when Thorin smiles brightly at him, he forgets all about his previous doubts.

She doesn’t say anything else and neither does Bilbo, they just sat next to each other in silence, watching the children play.

It feels so right that Bilbo can’t help to wish this moment would last forever.Or that he could at least have more moments like this.

Stolen moments. He thinks bitterly, because they rightly belong to someone else.

But when Thorin smiles at him, he can’t bring himself to care.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After rereading this, I worry it doesn’t add up with a following conversation between Dís and Thorin, rewarding the missing brother that Bilbo still thinks it’s a missing husband… But then again, the whole story probably wouldn’t hold up in real life, because 10 months is far too long for such a misunderstanding to carry on, but bear with me, please?  
> Anyway, hopefully, this will be 25 chapters long and no more, so I’m hopeful I’ll finish it before my boss comes up with more things for me to do (seriously, they seem to think I have nothing better to with my time other than work!)  
> Let me know what you think, thanks for reading!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, haven’t I been productive this last few days? I’m almost done with this fic; I’m currently writing chapter 25 which I think will be the last, unless I talk myself into a epilogue, but I’m not entirely sure, since I still want to make this into a series and write a couple more of one-shots for this verse, so…  
> Anyway, I think I’ll be able to update 2-3 chapters a week, although I probably will have to rewrite the last few chapters; the angst was just too much, so I powered through them, not really paying much attention to continuity and such, so…  
> Sorry for the ramblings, let’s get on with the chapter!  
> Enjoy?

Thorin stares at her reflection, a scowl on her face. The dress Dís lend her is a little tight for her, but not unpleasantly so. It’s a little short for her too, but nothing scandalous (or so Dís claims) and while it’s not something she would have chosen herself, she’s willing to admit it’s nice.

However, there’s no way in hell she’s actually wearing it out.

“And why not?” Dís whines (actually whines!), standing behind her, looking frustrated.

“I don’t like wearing dresses.” Thorin protest, glaring at her through the mirror. “It’s weird.”

Dís rolls her eyes. “You’ll find, my dear sister, that wearing a dress to the first date is a must.”

“It’s not a date!” Thorin exclaims, a little desperate. “Everyone else is going!”

Dís just rolls her eyes once again. “Never mind. You look pretty, you should-”

“I don’t- It’s not-” She sighs. “I’m not exactly what you would call pretty.”

“Jesus Christ” Dís whispers shaking her head and coming to stand directly in front of her, placing her hands on Thorin’s shoulders. “You can’t be serious.”

“Dís-”

“No, no, you listen to me” Her sister argues, her tone deadly serious. “You’re beautiful, Thorin. I know you’re still figuring out a lot of things, but you really shouldn’t question your beauty.”

The oldest huffs. “I might have been handsome once upon a time, but-”

“No!” Dís exclaims, smacking her shoulder hard. “You’re beautiful and I won’t have you talking yourself down. Why must you always be so stubborn?”

Thorin doesn’t reply, instead looks over her sister’s shoulder at her reflection. Dís is wrong, she thinks, but decides not to argue. It’ll get nowhere. “I know that face. I know what you’re thinking.”

She sighs. “Dís-”

“Will you let what father thinks haunt you for the rest of your life? Will you allow him to continue ditacting the way you feel about yourself? Won’t you stand up for yourself?”

Thorin closes her eyes, fighting back tears. She’s not sure if she would think herself more attractive if her father hadn’t called her… well, so many horrible things after the last time the saw each other, but she supposes that, to an extent, Dís is right. She ought to stop worrying about what others think and start worrying about what she thinks of herself.

That’s the only opinion that really matters.

“I’m still not wearing this.”

Dís lets out a wet laugh, that’s probably hiding tears. Thorin would call her sister over dramatic, if she wasn’t so close to tears herself. “Yes, you are.” Dís informs her, dragging her towards the bed and forcing her to sit down. “Now stay still.”

“I don’t think-”

“Shut it” the younger argues and for once, Thorin obeys.

She’s already wearing a dress, how bad letting Dís do her hair could be?

* * *

 

As usual, Bilbo is infuriatingly puntual. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing normally, because Thorin is quite punctual herself, but seeing she had to get two small kids ready while her sister got dressed, she’s obviously not ready when Bilbo shows up.

The elaborated bun that Dís pulled her hair into is a little disheveled by now, courtesy of an infuriated Kili, that refused to take a bath. The high heels Dís had chosen for her have been long kicked under the bed, since they were far from practical and the lipstick she was wearing is also gone, so she guesses that there it goes the ‘wow factor’ her sister was trying for.

Not that she thinks that it would have worked on Bilbo, because he’s not interested in her!

“You need some help?”

She nods, looking a little miserable. She loves her nephews, she really does, but they are quite handful. She doesn’t think she could stand having them around 24x7x365. Why do people have kids, anyway?

Bilbo laughs and scopes a still squirming Kili into his arms (quite a feat, considering both of their heights). He tells the child something that makes him stop fighting and instead stare at Bilbo with wide eyes. He then turns to look a Thorin, before nodding and when Bilbo puts him down, he heads calmly towards the bedroom to finish getting dressed.

“How did you do that?” She demands, more than a little surprised.

Bilbo winks at her. “That’s a secret.”

She feels color raising at her cheeks and hurries to busy herself with looking for Fili. Now that Kili apparently has decided to stop being difficult, she just has to handle her older nephew.

Allegedly, it ought to be easier.

“Make yourself at home, we’ll be ready in a minute.”

Bilbo smiles pleasantly and goes to sit on the couch, while Thorin goes hunting for her nephew.

And if she’s smiling, looking a little bit besotted, that’s nobody’s business but hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts anyone? We’ve almost made it to the happy, fluffy part (or something like that)!  
> Anyway, thanks for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t been able to bring myself to write the last chapter. Not sure why, because it’s suppose to be a fluffy happy one, but then again, my writing has a tendency to run away from me, so I can’t quite promise that…  
> In the meantime, enjoy?

Dwalin and Balin met them downstairs, looking like they’ve been waiting for a long while. Thorin apologies, but the brothers wave away her apologies. Dwalin gives Thorin a once over and although Bilbo’s blood boils at the sight, seeing Dwalin looks more amused than anything else and that Thorin doesn’t seem offended, even if she’s scowling, he doesn’t comment on that.

Truth to be told, Thorin looks quite lovely, even if it’s not something she would usually wear. The dress is simple, but sexy, with the small details in lace, no sleeves and a it clings a little too tightly to Thorin’s hips, so Bilbo thinks she might not be entirely comfortable, but he must admit he does enjoy the view when she walks in front of him.

Dís seems to notice and arches an eyebrow, challengingly. Bilbo blushes scarlet and hurries to look away.

He can’t help to sneak a couple of glances every now and then, though.

He feels a lot like a creep since his eyes keep tracing Thorin’s figure, but he tries not to be too obvious about it. He openly ogled her once and it got them in an awkward position; he wouldn’t want to repeat that, especially not now. Still, he can’t help to notice how beautiful Thorin’s strong legs look in the short dress and that might led to him imagining how they would feel wrapped around his waist and…

Well, definitely it’s time to stop that line of thought.

Thorin is nothing like the women he has been attracted to in the past. She’s taller, for one and not delicate at all. She’s got a strong body, very muscular, that always make him think of a warrior queen; Bilbo is used to petite, rounder, softer-looking women. Still, there’s something about Thorin that calls him and while her pretty eyes might have been what he first noticed, there are certainly other parts of her anatomy that he finds himself eying far too often.

He’s most definitely turning into a creep.

He reasons with himself that it’s just normal. He really ought not to stare too much, but he’s not blind and while Thorin might not be traditionally attractive, she’s quite a sight.

Especially in that damn dress.

Dís is eying him again, a slight smirk on her lips. He still has managed to avoid talking about his intentions towards Thorin, but he knows that Dís won’t give up until she has an answer. Still, what is he supposed to answer? If  he could, he would like to properly date Thorin, see if things worked and then, most probably, marry her. But how is that supposed to work out while Mr. Durin is still in the picture?

Although if what he overheard in the morning is true, then there might not be a Mr. Durin around for much longer. Maybe that’s why Dís seems so dead set on finding about his true intentions; she probably doesn’t want her sister to be hurt (again)

She has nothing to worry about though; Bilbo would treat Thorin right; he would endeavour to make her happy everyday for the rest of their lives. But the question still stands; would Thorin want that?

He probably should discuss it with her. Make his intentions known, wait for her to make a decision. It would be the right thing to do. But he’s also scared, because what if she decides she doesn’t want to see him ever again?

He’ll rather carry on with a fool’s hope than knowing for certain there’s no hope.

* * *

 

They arrive at the restaurant a few minutes later, since the place is at walking distance from the apartment building. The rest of Thorin’s friends seem to have already arrived and they’re causing quite a commotion, since they’re pretty loud. Bilbo has had a little over 6 months to get used to them and yet, he still finds them quite rambocus.

He mets Bombur’s and Gloin’s wives and children. Fili and Kili immediately drag young Gimli with them and after a stern look from Thorin, they ask Bombur’s girls to join them. Kili keeps glancing at the door and Bilbo hopes he’ll be able to live up to his promise, because he has the distinct feeling that if he doesn’t, Kili won’t ever forgive him.

He ends up sitting in front of Thorin, between Bofur and Balin. He chats amicably with both of them, although he keeps getting distracted by looking at Thorin every now and then. She seems lost in conversation with Dwalin, but occasionally she does met his eyes and smiles warmly at him.

At some point during the evening, he hears Kili’s delighted cry and when he turns to see what the screaming is about, he immediately notices the red haired girl that has just arrived with her family. Thorin scowls, evidently having noticed her nephew’s enthusiasm and not being very happy about it.

It’s beyond Bilbo why Thorin and Mr. Greenwood seem to dislike each other so much, but it’s obvious that not Kili, nor Tauriel, care much for their families opinions.

Tauriel joins the children playing, dragging her older brother along, who looks more resigned than anything. Mr. Greenwood nods his head politely at the members of the table and Bard waves at them sheepishly, before joining Thranduil at some other table. Soon enough, Bard’s children join Tauriel and Legolas too.

“Is that how you convinced him to behave?” Thorin asks him, pointing at Kili and Tauriel with her head. Bilbo smiles contently.

“Maybe…”

Thorin shakes her head, but smiles and Bilbo supposes that she’s not particularly bothered. She might not like the Greenwoods, but it’s obvious she won’t oppose to her nephews’ choice of friends.

As he watches Kili offering Tauriel a small toy, with a big smile on his face and a blush on hers, Bilbo can’t help to wonder why does something that comes so easily to children is so complicated for grown ups.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… we’re almost on the fluffy part. I swear. Just one more chapter. Sorry for the wait? And maybe I should apologise for the tiny bit of Kiliel? I just- I really like those two!  
> Anyway, thoughts?  
> Thanks for reading!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, the feelings! I’ve just finished writing this fic (it still needs some editing, but well, the main idea is there!) and remember how I said my writing had a tendency to run away from me? well, it did. Last chapter was meant to be happy and fluffy and it didn’t turn out that way. It turned out more hopeful than happy, so maybe I will add another chapter after all…  
> Anyway, I needed something happy to cheer me up, so here’s the new update!!  
> Enjoy?

As the night progresses, their table somehow manages to become louder, but since there’s a huge amount of alcohol being passed around, Thorin is not entirely surprised. When they were young, they used to get into all sort of drinking contests that usually led them to being thrown out of a good number of bars. None of them drink as much nowadays, but they are still quite a merry group.

Bilbo has had his fair share of alcohol it seems, by the way he keeps laughing at seemingly random things. He keeps sending smiles and winks her way, but she pretends not to notice most of the time. She also pretends that the red of her cheeks comes from the merry drinking and not out of anything else.

When the music starts, Thorin watches her youngest nephew dragging Thranduil’s youngest child to the dance floor. She smiles, even if she wishes Kili had chosen someone else to be his first love. Still, Tauriel is amicable enough, so she can’t complain much.

Bilbo also stands up on wobbly legs and heads her way. Thorin arches an eyebrow at his attempts of asking her to dance (or she supposes that’s what he’s trying to do, seeing she can actually hear a thing over the music) The rest of the table notice it and so obviously they immediately try to convince her to go with Bilbo.

She tries to resist, she really does, because she can’t dance to save her life, but Bilbo looks so eager and so happy that she finally caves in. Of course, it might also have something to do with amount of alcohol in her bloodstream.

Luckily, the song it’s a slow one, so it doesn’t require much from her, just some swaying in the same place. Bilbo places a hand on her lower back and she places hers on his shoulder, although she finds the angle a little odd, seeing she’s taller.

It’s terribly nice, however. The warmth of his hand on her back quickly spreads all over her body and while she would like to think that the dizziness she’s feeling is product of the alcohol she has been drinking, she knows that’s a lie. Bilbo sings quietly to himself, apparently content with just being close to her, not even swaying a little.

Bilbo’s eyes stay fixed on hers for most of the song and she feels giddy. The alcohol she has been drinking also seems to give her the courage she has lacked this far, because she’s suddenly leaning down, so their lips are almost touching. She waits for Bilbo to close the final distance and he does seem like he’s going to… until the song ends and he abruptly backs off, stammering an apology.

But Thorin is done with this- whatever this is. Enough is enough and she refuses to keep on pinning like a tragic heroine from a cheap romance novel and decides it’s time to actually do something. So she gathers her courage and pulls Bilbo back, the hand previously resting on his shoulder leaving its place and going instead to the back of his neck, to hold him in place.

The kiss is more chaste than she would probably like, but that’s mainly because her courage deserts her as quickly as it had come. One second she’s kissing Bilbo and the next she’s freaking out, backing off herself and praying for the earth to swallow her whole.

They stand in silence for a beat, just staring at each other. Then Bilbo’s grip on her waist tightens and next thing she knows they’re kissing once again, this time with far more passion that’s probably appropriate in a family restaurant.

Not that Thorin has enough presence of mind to worry about that. She lets out a little pleased moan and that’s all the invitation that Bilbo seems to require to slip his tongue into her mouth and that only manages to make her moan once again.

“Not that I’m not happy for you guys, but there are sights a younger sister shouldn’t be subjected to.”

They pull away immediately. In her right mind, Thorin would be blushing at her sister’s words, along with her smug smile, but right now all she can think about is that there’s really not a single good reason in the world for her and Bilbo to stop kissing, so she glares at her distracting sister.

Dís sighs dramatically. “Now, now Thorin. I know you haven’t gotten laid in since forever, but do you really wish to traumatize my children?”

Thorin glares some more and Bilbo lets out a nervous laugh, which is what seems to do the trick and get Thorin to stop glaring. Thorin sighs, she supposes Dís does have a point. She looks at Bilbo and they share a pleased smile.

Well then… Dís is probably right. There’ll be time for more kissing (and possibly other things) later. For now, she can keep everything PG-rated.

If Bilbo’s smile is anything to go by, she’s fairly certain things will work out for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts anyone? I did say that there was fluff in this chapter! Not sure if I quite succeeded, because the last scene feels a little odd, but let me know what you thought?  
> Thanks for reading!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve decided on adding 2 more chapters, so the ending will actually be happy! I haven’t quite got around writing them, because my boss came up with more things for me to do, which may also mean that updates might take longer…  
> Anyway, in the meantime, enjoy?

The kiss is quite nice and Bilbo really wants to repeat it in a much more private setting, but he’s fairly certain there are a few things they should discuss first. Ignoring the elephant in the room (meaning Thorin’s ‘missing’ husband) will only lead to heartbreak.

Still, that’s a conversation he’s most definitely not looking forward to having. So, for the rest of the night, he stays at Thorin’s side, but doesn’t try to initiate contact once again. Still, she smiles at him a lot, so he’s hopeful.

When they leave the restaurant, it’s well past midnight. Bilbo thinks it’s quite impressive that he somehow manages to make it to the apartments building on his own two feet, seeing he had far too many drinks. Thorin sways a little on her feet, but she seems to hold her alcohol pretty well and so does Dís. Balin and Dwalin, despite Bilbo seeing them indulging in even more drinks than himself, look totally unaffected.

Kili and Fili fell asleep long ago, so Dwalin is carrying Fili and Balin carries Kili. Since both children are quite tall and heavy, Bilbo is more than a little impressed with the brothers’ strength.

Dís and Thorin walk in the front of the group, whispering furiously between them. Or at least attempting to; the alcohol definitely inhibited Dís ability to talk quietly. Bilbo’s ears catch a couple of lewd suggestions that have him blushing madly, but Thorin remains unbothered. He’s not sure if that’s because she’s used to her sister’s teasing or because she’s unfazed by her suggestions.

Bilbo’s stomach is tied up in knots; he’s far too nervous for his own good. Once they make it to the Fundins brothers’ floor, Dís questions jokingly if she ought to stay with them the night and although Thorin glares, she doesn’t oppose to the idea.

In the end though, they all make it back to Thorin’s apartment. Dwalin and Balin carry the children to the guest’s room and Dís go with them to tuck her sons in. Bilbo and Thorin stand at the door, staring at each other awkwardly.

“I- I really enjoyed myself tonight” he tells her and cringes at his un-smoothness. However, Thorin doesn’t seem bothered and so she smiles at him.

“So did I.”

They stay in silence for a beat, both obviously not knowing what to do or say. “I- Would you- Let me take you out on a date.” He finally manages to stammer out and Thorin arches an eyebrow. Bilbo blushes, but carries on. “I just- I think it’s a good idea- umm…”

Thorin smiles and leans in for a short kiss. “Okay” she whispers against his lips and he has a hard time trying to remember what exactly they’re talking about.

“Right. Right. Umm… New Years Eve?”

Once again, Thorin arches an eyebrow, but nods. Her smile is small and tentative and so Bilbo stands on his tiptoes to steal another kiss, before he whispers a quiet ‘good night’ and hurries back to his apartment.

Not his smoother invitation ever, but it’ll work.

Now, if he only knew what to expect from their date…

Well, he’ll figure it out as he goes.

* * *

 

Despite his tiredness and the huge amount of alcohol he drank, Bilbo sleeps little and restlessly. He awakes in the wee hours of the morning and after half an hour of tossing and turning in bed, he abandons all attempts of going back to sleep. Figuring he ought to do something useful with his time instead of worrying about his impending conversation with Thorin, he decides to clean up the house.

He’s taking the garbage outside when he bumps into someone.

Dís looks completely unfazed by last night’s endeavours and Bilbo is more than a little surprised. The female stares at him, her eyes narrowed and Bilbo gulps. “Eh… good morning?”

“I think it’s high time we have a little conversation, Mr. Baggins.” She informs him very seriously and once more, he gulps.

“Right. Of course. Umm…”

“I’ve got nothing against a bit of harmless fun, of course.” Dís tells him, crossing her arms over her chest. “Nothing wrong with fooling around. Still, my sister-”

“It’s not that” Bilbo assures her quickly. “I- I care a lot about your sister. I’m not- I’m serious about it.”

Dís observes him for while, measuring his words. “I see.” She nods once, before breaking into a slightly manic grin. “Good. I’m glad we had this conversation. Carry on with what you were doing.”

Bilbo nods tightly and hurries past her. He’s just gotten in the elevator when Dís appears once more in front of him, holding the doors open. “Thorin has been through a lot, Mr. Baggins. Break her heart... “ She steps closer, towering over him and making him feel very small and very scared “and you’ll live just long enough to regret it.”

She steps back then, just in time for the doors to close without hitting her. Bilbo gulps; of course he doesn’t mean to hurt Thorin, but Dís is scary beyond description. She cuts quite an intimidating image, even in her nightclothes and her hair a tangled mess.

* * *

 

He’s just finished throwing away the trash when he runs into someone else. As he stares at the newcomer, Bilbo wonders if he’s the only person in the world who looks like a mess after a night of drinking.

“Morning, Mr. Greenwood.”

“Mr. Baggins.” Thranduil greets, a slight smirk on his lips. “Rough night?”

Bilbo snorts. The other man smirks widens, but he’s staring at him curiously and that makes Bilbo feel self conscious right away. “Ah, well- Have a nice day.” He tells him, the awkward silence making him nervous. Thranduil narrows his eyes.

“I assume Dís has already given you the ‘hurt her and you’re dead speech’?” he questions, amusement dancing in his eyes.

“Eh-”

Thranduil laughs and that’s such an unusual sight that it startles Bilbo a little. “She means it. I’ve seen it.” He smirks once again. “But really, Mr. Baggins, if I may give you a word of advice-” and here his face becomes serious once more “I’d be careful. Otherwise you might be the one ending with a broken heart.”

He slips past him, without waiting for an answer. Bilbo stares after the blond, his heart clenching painfully inside his chest. Just what exactly is that supposed to mean?

He climbs the stairs on his way to the apartment, just to buy some extra time to think. He probably ought not to think too hard about Mr. Greenwood’s words, but…

The thing is that, before Thorin, Bilbo doesn’t think he has ever been in love. Not to say he hasn’t dated before, because he has and quite a lot, but nothing serious. It’s hard to be serious when people are more often than not after the supposedly immense fortune of the Baggins family.

It never really bothered him, he just learned not to take any relationship too seriously. But Thorin of course doesn’t know a thing about his allegedly huge fortune and besides, he’s the one doing the pursuing this time.

Before last night, when he had believed Thorin was just an impossible dream, he hadn’t worried much about heartbreak. An impossible love hurts, of course, but not as much as a failed one. Now that he has been given the chance to actually have something with her…

It’s worrisome. He wants it to work, desperately so, and so he’s terribly afraid.

Nothing risked, nothing gained. He’ll have to be brave and hope for the best.

And if this road just leads him to heartbreak… well, at least he tried, right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts anyone? As I said, update might take longer, depending of how long my new task takes, but hopefully I’ll be able to update tomorrow before the weekend… I’m not sure, though.  
> Thanks for reading!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a new update! I do have a lot of things to do, but happily I’m supposed to do them in my boss office, so whenever she sends me away I can sneak a few minutes to update/write!  
> Enjoy?

Thorin is more nervous about the upcoming date than she’d be willing to admit. Still, she tries not to fret much and instead focus on her day-to-day life. Which proves to be a little problematic, when her friends and family want to discuss the recent developments on her love life.

But she manages. Dís is the worst, of course, throwing innuendos every now and then. The woman has absolutely no care for the fact that her sons are usually in the room (of course, it’s not like Fili or Kili are ever really paying much attention to the adult’s conversations).

For the next week, Bilbo still shows up for breakfast, tea and twice for dinner. Conversation flows comfortably between them, regardless of the potential change in their relationship. There’s no more kissing or any other sort of physical demonstration of affection and although Thorin wouldn’t oppose to them, she knows Bilbo is a gentleman and won’t be pressing for more until they’re in an actual relationship.

She’s a bit worried, to be honest, about their potential physical relationship. She hasn’t been with anyone in a very long time (like 8 years or something?) and she’s still not sure if she’ll be comfortable now that she has had her surgeries. Of course this is a fear she’s not willing to share with anyone and that’s probably why she’s most worried.

Despite her childish attitude, she’s quite thankful for her sister’s presence, seeing Dís tries to reassure her whenever she gets herself worked up. She wants to believe that even if things don’t work out after the date she and Bilbo will still be friends, but there’s no telling for sure.

She keeps wondering if kissing Bilbo was a smart move after all.

But it’s a little late for regrets, isn’t it?

She’ll just have to hope for the best.

* * *

 

On the evening previous to the date, Thorin is watching the TV, waiting for Bilbo to show up to prepare dinner, when she hears Dís frustrated scream. She hurries towards the bedroom, wondering what her nephews have gotten themselves into this time. However, she soon discovers that for once Kili and Fili are busy reading and therefore they’re not the cause of their mother’s ire.

Dís is pacing around the room, glaring murderously at her phone. Frerin, then.

“What did he do this time?”

Dís sighs dramatically, sitting at the edge of the bed. “Nothing, really. He just- Well, I told him about you and your new boyfriend and he just-” she gestures vaguely and Thorin rolls her eyes. “He didn’t care.”

“Why should he?” Thorin questions, sitting next to her sister. “Unlike you, Frerin and I aren’t gossiping teenegers anymore.”

Dís glares. “He’s gone. Again. And you know normally I wouldn’t care, but after what happened with father-” she turns to face her, looking very young and very angry. “How could he leave you like that?”

Thorin rubs her temples, already feeling a headache coming. “Not even a week ago you were defending him.”

“I wasn’t. I just- I just didn’t want him to worry you.” Dís looks away, focusing on a spot on the ceiling. “You had enough worries without adding him to the mix.”

“Dís-”

“You were always there for us when we needed you. I couldn’t be here, because I have work and the children, but he- he just-”

“You’re both entitled to your own lives, Dís.” Thorin says, placing an arm around her sister’s shoulders. “I’m not a child; I was perfectly fine-”

“No, you weren’t. After father- You weren’t. Even after you got a job and an apartment, you still were-” she’s almost crying and Thorin doesn’t know how to reassure her. It’s true that she wasn’t in a very good place a few months ago, but she thought she had hidden it well enough.

She didn’t want to worry her siblings.

“Dís, I’m fine now. I’m happy.”

“Exactly!” she exclaims, standing up. “He couldn’t bother to stay to make sure you were okay and he can’t even bother to be happy for you now!”

Thorin closes her eyes, fighting off frustration. Because her siblings have so different approaches to feelings, they usually don’t understand each other. When they were younger, that was the cause of far too many fights.

She understood why Frerin couldn’t stay. She hadn’t been mad, not even upset. She had understood.

But Dís evidently hadn’t.

“That’s not-”

“You’ve always- you always give him a free pass for everything! He can be an ass to you and you don’t mind!”

“As I do with you” Thorin replies evenly.”You’re my family. There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t be willing to forgive you.” She pulls her into a hug and Dís hugs back if a bit reluctantly. “Don’t be mad, Dís. I’m sure he’s happy for me. He’s just not as… enthusiastic as you.”

They stand in silence for a while, just hugging, until the doorbell rings. Thorin pulls away and smiles at her sister one last time before going to open the door. Bilbo stands on the other side, a small smile on his lips that Thorin immediately returns.

“Are you alright?” he asks her, probably sensing her distress. She stares at him for a couple of seconds, wondering if this is really happening. It feels too good to be true.

“Of course. Perfectly fine.” She leans in for a quick peck on the lips that has Bilbo blushing. She smiles, before moving away to let him in. Bilbo stares at her oddly, but doesn’t comment.

She’s happy. She knows her siblings are happy for her.

They just have different ways to show it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not particularly happy with this chapter, but I think it works… Thoughts anyone?  
> Thanks for reading!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here’s a new update! I’ll be kinda busy this week, but I hope I’ll be able to post another chapter before the end of the week. I had sort of finished it, but I’ve decided the last chapter would work better as part of the series and not as part of the main fic, so…   
> Anyway, thanks to everyone who left kudos/comments. You guys are the best!  
> Enjoy?

Bilbo makes dinner next to a very thoughtful Thorin (who doesn’t do much, except pass him things), which he can’t help to think it’s not a good omen. However, whenever they eyes find each other’s, she smiles gently at him, so he doesn’t think it’s that bad.

That’s until Dís walks into the kitchen, looking more than a little distressed.

“I still think he’s an ass.” She informs Thorin very seriously and the older female chuckles.

“Not everyone is as invested in my love live as you and the Company are, Dís.”

Bilbo’s curiosity is piqued, but he forces himself not to react and carry on with what he’s doing.

“He ought to be, though.”

Thorin sighs. “No, not really. My love life is nobody’s business; not yours, not my friend’s and certainly not Frerin’s.”

Bilbo freezes. Well, technically, Thorin’s love live should matter to her husband, seeing he’s the only one who’s supposed to be involved in it. Then again, he seems to have his own love live away from his wife, so…

Dís doesn’t answer, she just lets out a frustrated huff. A cry from one of the bedrooms interrupts whatever Thorin is about to add and when Dís makes no move to go to check on the kids, she rolls her eyes and goes to see what’s going on.

“Are you okay?” Bilbo asks, seeing Dís still looks a bit frustrated.

“Yeah, fine.” The female replies off handedly. “I just- Not our business. Can you believe her?”

Bilbo shrugs, non-committedly. He’s burning with curiosity, but he’s still unsure if he should ask. “Would you-” he hesitates, wondering if this is a good idea, but judging by the way Dís is looking at him now, there’s no getting out of this conversation now. “Would you tell me about Frerin? It’s just- Thorin doesn’t talk much about him.”

Dís hums. “Not that strange, I suppose. I mean, they might still live under the same roof but their relationship has become a little… strained.” She sighs. “Frerin likes his secrets and Thorin worries, although of course one could argue that she had been hiding something far bigger than Frerin ever has… For good reason though.” She glares at him, like she’s challenging him to disagree. Bilbo just nods, unsure of what does she exactly mean. “Anyway, she loves him of course, but with all the hiding and the lying, things have become complicated. I expected better of him, though.”

There’s a tense silence that Bilbo’s not sure he wants to break after that. There are many questions he’s now dying to ask, but he really should bring up his concerns to Thorin: helpful as Dís information is, it’s not the right way to go about this.

“Honestly, leaving her after father-” Dís whispers angrily and Bilbo suspects she’s no longer talking to him, she’s just venting out her frustration. “I understand that he doesn’t ‘do feelings’ and that he took as much care as possible of the practical issues, but she needed him. Us, really, but I-” she sighs, looking a bit tired. “When I ran away and got pregnant, she got my back and when she needed me…”

She’s crying now and Bilbo doesn’t know what to do. He turns off the stove and gathers the crying female into his arms, whispering meaningless comforting words, while rubbing her back gently. Dís doesn’t seem like the kind of person who lets her emotions get the best of her and so he guesses this has really moved her deeply.

Thorin comes back then and after catching sight of what’s happening, she lets out a sad sigh and takes Dís from Bilbo’s arms, hugging her close.

Bilbo smiles in what he hopes it’s a reassuring fashion.

Seems like things are far more complicated than he imagined.

* * *

 

“Is your sister ok?”

Thorin shrugs. “She’ll be. She… I don’t know, I’m guessing she got into a fight with Frerin on the phone, but she hasn’t really told me what happened. I suspect he might have been a little too harsh on her.”

Bilbo wonders what kind of man is rude to his sister-in-law, but doesn’t question. They need to discuss this, but right now he’s distressed by what has just happened and he doesn’t think he can have a civil conversation about Frerin Durin.

“They never got along very well. Dís is- well, you’ve seen her. She’s so outspoken and she wears her heart on her sleeve while Frerin is… more like me, I guess. Private. Reserved. A bit emotionally constipated.”

She has that small satisfied smile on her face that always makes Bilbo ache. It’s quite clear she loves her husband, but maybe she has finally figured out it’s time to move on. “Dís used to get so mad at him and I had to deal with their tantrums, because he was as childish as her whenever they fought so…” she gestures vaguely. “They both think I go too easy on the other.” She shrugs. “They’re right, I suppose. But there’s very little I wouldn’t withstand from the people I love.”

It’s like someone has stabbed him in the chest. Bilbo wonders what it’s that they’re doing then, if Thorin’s heart so clearly belongs to someone else. But then she turns to him and beams at him, looking so happy and at peace that Bilbo’s breath catches and so he just smiles back.

He has so many questions and so few answers.

But he really, really doesn’t want to find out the answers, he’s quickly discovering. He’ll take what he can have, escarce as it might be, because he’s desperately in love with this woman and he wants whatever scrap of affection she can spare him with.

And isn’t that the saddest thing ever?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts anyone? I think this whole misunderstanding is borderline impossible by this point, but… I hope you liked it?  
> Thanks for reading!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here’s an update! I’ve got a lot of work to do, but the intranet is down at work, so I have some free time right now…  
> As usual, a million thanks for the kudos and the comments!  
> Enjoy?

New Year’s Eve finally arrives and so Thorin gets ready for her date. She left her sister and nephews at the airport earlier; they’re going to spend the night with Dís’ deceased husband’s family. Thorin knows Dís doesn’t particularly enjoys spending the night with her family-in-law, but the children like spending time with their grandparents so she endures.

Things might have been better if Vili hadn’t passed away, but there’s nothing to do about that.

She decides not to let dark thoughts ruin her good mood and so she starts getting ready. She’s wearing the only dress she owns: a royal blue one with an A-skirt and squared neckline that it’s simple, but pretty. She doesn’t like dresses, not really, but she saw this one on a mannequin in a store and she fell in love right away.

It might be a little more expensive than what she could actually afford, but it certainly was worth every crappy frozen dinner she had to eat for a month.

She braids her hair and puts on some light makeup and so a few minutes before eight, she’s ready to go.

Bilbo is as punctual as usual. He’s wearing a rather simple black suit with no tie, but he looks quite dashing. Thorin smiles bashfully at him, but he doesn’t seem to notice, seeing he’s looking her over. When his eyes meet hers she smirks teasingly and he blushes.

So maybe Dwalin was right about him liking what he saw.

She hasn’t forgotten all her doubts and her insecurities, but for now she’s not letting them ruin her night. So she takes Bilbo’s arm and walks out of the building with him, all the while exchanging polite chit-chat that doesn’t feel forced at all.

It’s all quite nice, really.

* * *

 

Dinner is a pleasant affair, although Thorin can tell there’s something Bilbo wants to discuss, but doesn’t know how to bring up the topic. Knowing it’s something probably uncomfortable and that more likely than not Thorin won’t want to discuss, she doesn’t comment on it.

There are a couple of things she herself wants to bring up, but she also doesn’t know how to. For starters, she’s not so sure now than Bilbo knows about her transition and she worries that’s something that’ll make him uncomfortable. She doesn’t think he’ll be so close minded to write off the possibility of their relationship because of that, but she’s not sure.

She’s nervous and as the night progresses, she starts feeling more and more ill eased. Still, they somehow make it back to the apartment and when she invites him in for coffee, he accepts.

Which was probably a bad idea. Isn’t coffee code for sex or something like that?

There’s no way she’s ready for that. And if Bilbo’s going to reject her she'd rather have that happen outside the bedroom. Still, she can’t bring herself to explain and so they sit on her couch, still talking about random things, both avoiding some topic.

How does a harmless conversation somehow turns into a heavy makeout session is beyond her.

Well, not really. When Bilbo seems ready to broach his uncomfortable topic, Thorin decides she really wants to have one last kiss before everything goes to hell, so she kisses him. A kiss turns into another and another and next thing she knows she’s laying on her back, Bilbo hovering over her, both panting and flushed.

“Umm… I- I’m not sure how we ended like this?”

Bilbo laughs nervously and gets off her right away. They sit in awkward silence for a couple of tense seconds, before Thorin manages to grasp enough courage to talk. “There’s- there’s something I need to tell you.”

Bilbo stares at her expectantly and so she gulps nervously. Bilbo’s eyes flick towards her throat, making her immediately self conscious and so her hand fly towards where her Adam’s apple used to be. It’s not there anymore and the scar is barely visible, but with the way Bilbo’s now focusing on her…

“Thorin?”

Right. She needs to focus. “I- I-” she bits her lip nervously. “I don’t think I’m ready for something more physical.” Not the whole truth, but a part of it, so she figures it’s okay.

He stares at her intently, before nodding resolutely. “Of course. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

That’s… well, that’s good, she supposes. She smiles hesitantly. “But maybe we can get back to kissing?”

Bilbo beams at her, before leaning in for a kiss. It feels like he’s holding himself back, but she’s not sure what to think about that, so she tries not to and instead pulls him closer, getting him to sit on her lap. Seeing she’s taller and probably heavier, she thinks that’s for the best.

But of course things get more heated up after a while and Thorin wonders when did she turned back into a horny teenager. She hasn’t feel like this in ages (or ever, really) and so she’s a little overwhelmed.

“We should stop” Bilbo tells her, pulling away. “Otherwise I- God Thorin, you’re gorgeous” he whispers huskily, kissing her neck and making her forget why they should stop. However, he seems to have far more self control than her and he pulls away once more. “Sorry. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize” she whispers, stealing one last kiss before somehow managing to stand up. “Do you- do you want to spend the night?”

It’s late, but it’s not like Bilbo lives on the other side of the city. Still, she knows she wants him close, even if nothing else happens tonight.

Bilbo hesitates, before nodding. “Alright. Just to sleep?”

She nods nervously and he smiles back just as nervous. Feeling somewhat comforted by that, she offers him her hand and guides him towards the bedroom.

This is quite nerve wracking but she would be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy every single minute of it.

* * *

 

They end up kissing some more, but they somehow manage to fall asleep with nothing else happening. All in all, it feels like a perfect beginning.

But then in the middle of the night the door of the apartment opens and so things start heading southwards, without either of them knowing.

Really, they shouldn’t have left so many things unsaid.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does it feel rushed? I think so. I’m not super happy with this chapter, but for all intents and purposes it works, so… thoughts anyone?  
> I’m sure you all know where is this exactly heading. Originally, it wasn’t going to be so friggin angsty, but as usual, my writing ran away from me so… I hope you enjoyed this last little bit of “fluff”?  
> Thanks for reading!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this week I’m probably going to be very busy (assuming, of course, my boss decides to cooperate), I decided to update right away. Now my dears, hold onto your seats, the angst ride is about to begin!  
> Enjoy?

Thorin’s bed is warm and comfortable and Bilbo doesn’t want to ever get up. Still, judging by the light coming through the curtains, it’s probably quite late and he really ought to, especially because his bedmate is missing and he really should go looking for her.

He basks in the warmness of the moment for a couple of minutes, though. He feels revitalized; better than he has felt in ages. He’s pretty certain that nothing in this world could ruin his mood right now.

He’s wrong, of course.

He steps into the hall and that’s when he hears them. Thorin is arguing with someone in hushed whispers, probably trying not to wake him up. Bilbo frowns and steps closer, careful not to be seen.

In retrospective, that was probably a mistake.

“-really should have called.”

“I’m sorry, ok? Geez Thorin, relax. You’d think you would be happy to see me.”

Thorin sighs. “Of course I’m happy, but would have it killed you to call first?”

“Since when do I have to call before arriving to my apartment?”

“Our apartment” Thorin stresses. “The lease might be under your name but I’m the one paying for it.”

“Wow, you’re in a mean mood! Does this have anything to do with this Mr. Baggins Dís keep mentioning?”

“Oh, so you were listening!”

The man scoffs. “Come on, Thorin. Don’t be like that; I got enough of a guilt trip from Dís.”

“And yet that’s not why you came back.”

There’s a long, tense silence. “No. I- Things might not have worked out the way I expected them.”

“And what you were expecting when, once again, you dropped out everything to chase after some girl?”

“Well, to be fair, she was-”

“Frerin!”

A laugh and Bilbo notices he’s clenching his fists so tightly that he’s hurting himself. Really, the nerve of some people. “Don’t be a prude, Thorin. It’s not like you’re been-”

“What I’ve been or not been up to is none of your business!” Thorin exclaims, rather loudly. “Jesus Frerin, all I wanted- I mean, I understand why you left, I seriously do and I’m not angry or anything but couldn’t you have called? After 5 months, I was worried sick! You’d never left for so long before!”

Another long silence and then Bilbo hears someone moving. For a while, there’s no other sound and then “I’m sorry. So sorry.”

“You’re an idiot.” Thorin whispers brokenly and Bilbo can feel his own heart shattering.

“Yeah, I know” The man replies. “But look at it this way; for now and all foreseeable future, this idiot is just yours.”

Thorin chuckles. “Is that supposed to comfort me?”

Frerin laughs brightly and Bilbo hears what seems like a friendly slap on the back. “Well, now that that’s been settled… be a doll and make me some coffee? I’m a little hungover.”

He hears an smack and then Frerin laughs louder. “I’m kidding, of course! Gosh Thorin, you still punch like a pro.”

“Go and get some sleep.” She argues good naturedly. “You can have coffee after you take a long nap.”

Bilbo hears someone approaching, but he’s root on the spot. Around the corner comes a man and Bilbo can immediately see why would anyone like him: he’s tall and broad, all solid muscle. His blond hair is longish and falls messily around his face, making him look effortlessly attractive. He has a nice friendly smile and his eyes are bright with good nature and mischief.

“Why, you must be the Mr. Baggins I kept hearing so much about.”

Bilbo nods tightly, his ability to form logical sentences gone, overcome by the feeling of powerlessness. Frerin smiles brightly at him. “You’re shorter than I imagined.”

That pulls him out of his stupor and so Bilbo straightness his back, ready to give the man a piece of his mind regarding just how careless he’s been with Thorin’s affection and how completely undeserving of her love he is, when Thorin shows up.

“Oh, Bilbo. You’re up.” She looks at Frerin from the corner of her eye and they seem to have some sort of silent conversation, because the man just laughs again, looks Bilbo over and then slips past him, towards the bathroom. “Sorry about that.” She whispers, not looking at him in the eye and for what feels like the hundredth time in the morning, Bilbo’s heart breaks.

“Don’t worry about it” He tells her and it’s a wonder his voice doesn’t break. “I should- I should probably leave.”

She stares at him for a couple of seconds before her eyes flick towards the bathroom’s door and then she sighs. “It might be for the best. Frerin and I- We have some things we need to discuss.”

Bilbo nods, a small hope still alight inside him, even if he knows the most likely outcome of their conversation will result in heartbreak for him. But then again, he knew all along it would get down to this. “Have a nice day, Thorin.”

He slips past her, no promises exchanged. There’s no point. In his heart, he knows this is over before it even properly begin.

He can’t really say he’s surprised.

* * *

He walks back into ‘his’ apartment, only to find the rightful owner already there.

“Bilbo, my boy!” Gandalf greets cheerfully. “Come, come, I’m making breakfast!”

Bilbo takes a deep breath and forces himself to smile politely. It seems that today is a day for comebacks. “I’m sorry Gandalf; I’m a little tired, so I’m gonna lie down for a while.”

The old man eyes him funnily, but nods and so he hurries into the guest’s bedroom he’s been using all this while. He stares at his still half-unpacked belongings; he never quite got around really settling into Gandalf’s apartment. All for the best, he supposes; it’ll make leaving easier.

And if he’s leaving a part of his heart behind… well, nobody needs to know.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh… would you believe me if I said the worst is yet to come? I swear I didn’t intend for the angst to escalate to the level it did, but well… that’s where the story took me? That does happen, you know?  
> Anyway, thoughts anyone? Thanks for reading!


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! It turns out my boss did choose to cooperate, but I managed to finish sooner than I expected… So now I’ve got lots of free time again, which translates in lots of time to write!  
> I’ve got 2 “endings” written for this, but both feel unsatisfying, so I’m still torn about them. I’m stuck with the last chapter on “Identity” and so I decided to start another fic. I’m not sure how well that’s gonna work in the long run…  
> Anyway, enough of my ramblings! Enjoy?

Bilbo’s departure from her apartment feels a little hasty, but Thorin doesn’t think much about it. She’s got other things to worry about (her stupid brother, for instance) and so she focuses on that.

But when days pass and Bilbo doesn’t show up, when the most she gets it’s a quick glimpse of blond hair entering Gandalf’s apartment in a rush, she begins to worry.

She looks back to their night together and tries to pinpoint what went wrong because it’s obvious something had gone terribly, terribly bad. Still, she tries not to panic just yet.

But then a week passes and her patience has worn thin (and Frerin is seriously not helping), so she decides to take matters into her own hands. If Bilbo has changed his mind about them… well, at least she deserves an explanation.

She knocks on the apartment’s door and waits. She steels herself for what’s probably going to be a very hurtful rejection, but then the door opens and Bilbo’s not standing on the other side.

“Gandalf?”

“Good evening, Ms. Durin. You seem surprised to see me here.”

“Well- yes! What are you doing here?”

The man arches an eyebrow, obviously amused. “Why, this is where I live, Ms. Durin”

“No! I mean-” she takes a deep breath and forces herself not to let her frustration get the best of her. “Where’s Bilbo?”

“Back home, I expect.” The old man informs her very seriously. “He didn’t say goodbye to you?” He looks concerned now, but Thorin doesn’t really register his concern. She’s too busy trying not to fall apart right then and there.

“I see.” She closes her eyes, keeping tears at bay. “No, he didn’t.”

“Oh, my dear girl.” And suddenly Gandalf is hugging her and normally she would be outraged but right now she’s not feeling much over the feeling of her heart breaking into a million of tiny pieces.

Well, that’s what you get when you dare to hope.

She should have known better.

* * *

 

At least everyone seems angry on her behalf too. Frerin is oddly vocal about his thoughts about the whole affair, but Thorin barely catches snippets of them. She can hear him talking to Dís over the phone, her sister as enraged as her brother, but she can’t bring herself to care much.

The Company is outraged too. Her friends rant about the whole unfairness of the situation, but she doesn’t listen. She goes on with her life as if nothing had happened, knowing that it’s her only option, otherwise she’ll break and she won’t be able to put herself back together.

She’s hurting and there are days when she considers not even getting out of bed, because the disappointment feels like a physical burden, because this is the cherry on the cake of all her insecurities. Because a part of her really thought things could work and a part of her always knew they were never going to.

Nobody seems to understand what happened, but Thorin does. She knows why Bilbo left. It’s the same reason why nobody could ever love her.

And no matter what Frerin, Dís and the whole Company say, that’s the truth.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t. Too much angst. Short chapter. Sorry.  
> I made that note after finishing writing the chapter. I felt I could dwell deeper into Thorin’s feelings, but the last line stuck a little too close home for my comfort and so I just couldn’t carry on writing. I feel this chapter more heartbreaking because while Bilbo “knows” why things didn’t work out, Thorin is left in the dark which is a sensation I can more or less relate to and I can only begin picturing how much harder it would be for someone in her circumstances so I just couldn’t get deeper into her head. It hurt a little too much.  
> I didn’t plan for things to go this way, but well… I must admit I do like the turn it took from my original sketch, even if it’s far more angsty than I intended. This was supposed to be a comedy, for Someone’s sake! (I can’t write humor. I just can’t)  
> Anyway, thoughts anyone? I swear there’ll be a happy ending. I’ll figure it out. I promise!  
> Next chapter is another interlude, so it’s super short, so I might update very very soon!  
> Thanks for reading!


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was going to update earlier today, but I got… distracted (I just started watching “Sherlock”; terrible decision, I’m never going to get anything done until I finish watching the whole show…) and then my boss came up with something for me to do and then I forgot I was going to update so… terribly sorry!  
> Anyway, this is super short, but I hope you like it! Something a little silly to make up for all the angst (although I’m not quite sure it’s very funny, considering everything else that has happened…)  
> Enjoy?

“I just need you to get me out of jail afterwards, Balin.” Dís says over the phone; she can’t be in the reunion they’re having to discuss what to do about Thorin’s situation, but she’s on conference call with all of them.

“It’s not worth it, Dís”

“Just give me the adress, sis. I’ll spare you the blood bath.”

“Don’t you dare, Frerin! If you had been around-”

“Oh, sure, blame it on me! The guy is an ass, but this somehow my fault!”

“Stop that.” Dwalin argues darkly. “This isn’t helping Thorin in the slightest.”

There’s a long pause after that. “But what can we do?” Dís pleads desperately and everyone else in the room sighs.

“Nothing but wait.” Balin replies sadly. “Let time heal all the wounds.”

“There’s no enough time in the world for that.” Frerin protests. “You know Thorin; if you let her, she’ll drown in self pity forever.”

“And so what do you suggest?”

Silence. There’s really nothing they can do.

Oh, how they all wish that they’ve never met Bilbo Baggins.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nop. It sounded better in my head. Oh well… I promise everything will work out in the end! It just might take a few more chapters…  
> Thanks for reading.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s amazing the amount of pointless work my boss can come up with… doesn’t she know I’ve got more important things (like writing fanfics) to do? Well, since I’ve decided that what she asked is not that important, I decided I’m gonna update first! ;)  
> So, enough of my ramblings. Enjoy?

Bilbo goes back to his life, trying to patch up the pieces of his broken heart as much as he can. He thinks he’s doing well, all things considered.

He’s the talk of the town. Gone to the city for a long while, came back changed. A woman’s fault. A married woman’s fault.

How did his noisy relatives found out about that is beyond him.

The thing is he can’t even bring himself to be angry at the situation. He thinks he ought to feel betrayed and that would probably help with the heartache, but the truth is he just can’t.

He knew what he was getting into.

He only stayed a week after Mr. Durin came back. He couldn’t even look at Thorin in the eye without feeling like he was dying and whenever he saw them together he had to fight the urge to scream.

Strained as their relationship had been (according to Dís), it was obvious they still got along quite wonderfully. Frerin walked Thorin to work and back from it, always making jokes and telling her things that made her laugh. The few times Bilbo ran into him alone, he had to admit the man was terribly likeable. The type of guy you just feel drawn to.

He had known he had to leave before it got too much for him to handle, so he left. He didn’t even say goodbye, because unfortunately, on the night he was going to, he ran into a heartbreaking sight.

Thorin and her husband had been outside her apartment, apparently discussing something and she had seemed quite distressed. But then Frerin had pressed his forehead against hers in a oddly intimate gesture and she had relaxed shortly afterwards. They had carried on talking in hushed whispers, both now smiling.

That was the last straw.

So now here he is, trying to live like he hadn’t left his heart behind. She was never his, not really, but it still hurts. What a fool he had been, thinking he could walk away with his heart still in one piece. Even if- even if they hadn’t kissed, now he knows he would still feel like he’s dying.

When his cousin Drogo happily informs him that he’s finally marrying Primula, Bilbo throws himself into wedding preparations like it was his own. His cousin insists that maybe he’s going a bit over the top, but Bilbo just can’t do something small. All the wedding planning helps him to think on something other than Thorin and so he plans the biggest wedding their town has seen in ages.

All in all, it’s a wonderful distraction.

* * *

 

He’s not sure why he sends Gandalf an invitation. He’s an old family friend, of course, but he was closer to his mother’s side and since Drogo is from his father’s side… Still, after living in the man’s apartment for a little under a year, it feels like the polite thing to do.

Fate has a funny way of working.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s kinda short… but then again, nothing much is really happening here. Next one ought to be longer; thoughts anyone?  
> Thanks for reading!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope to get a lot of time for writing this week, because there are a couple of ideas going around my head that refuse to leave me alone until I write them down and also I hope I’ll get over my writer’s block for “Identity”. In the meantime, enjoy this new chapter, that’s even more angsty that the previous ones.  
> Seriously, why do I enjoy writing angst so much?  
> Also, I’m not sure about the first part. I considered deleting it, but it served something in the great scheme of things (or at least in my head it did) although I have forgotten exactly what… Anyway, enjoy?

 

Thorin feels like a proud parent as she watches her brother graduate from his Master. She’s not sure how he managed, with all the dissapearing and missing lessons (and probably homework) but he somehow does and she’s quite proud of him.

Dís, standing next to her, just scowls during the whole ceremony.

They go back to the restaurant where she works to celebrate. The rest of the Company joins them and they end up having a rather wonderful time.

For the first time in months, she doesn’t spare a minute thinking of Bilbo Baggins.

* * *

She has carried on as well as she could. She goes through her routine with ease, not really looking like a broken hearted woman. She thinks the worst is past her; after all, it’s not like she could afford to drown in her pain.

There are a few things that still speak of the deep of her hurt: the way she can’t bring herself to stare at her reflection on the mirror, how her favorite (and only) dress has been shoved into the back of the closet, how she can’t look at a pastry without feeling like crying. But she’s gotten good at pretending she’s fine and so most people don’t notice.

She’s hoping that sooner or later she’ll buy the lie that she’s fine and that it doesn’t hurt anymore.

It’s easier with her siblings here, to be honest. Dís is just staying for a week, but that’s fine because she doesn’t think she could stand all the bickering with Frerin for longer. Her brother seems to be feeling guilty about his long disappearance, so he’s constantly around and when he’s not, he always calls to let her know where he is.

Fili and Kili help in their way, being as mischievous as always and constantly keeping her on her toes (with Frerin helping them more often than not)

So, when things are finally looking up, it just makes sense that it’s when everything comes crashing down around her.

It’s the Friday before Dís leaves when it happens. Dís and Frerin took the kids to the movies, but she was too tired to go with them and so instead she went back home. She decides to go to the roof for a smoke and she sits behind the plants that Gandalf insists on keeping, even if nobody takes care of them.

Bilbo used to. But now he’s gone and so the poor plants are dying.

She tries very hard not to think of that as a metaphor of her situation.

She takes out a cigarette and lights it up. For a while, there’s no other sound except of the wind and then she hears someone stepping into the roof.

Gandalf is discussing something rather enthusiastically with Thranduil, but Thorin couldn’t care less. She’s too lost in her own thoughts to pay them much mind, but the mention of Bilbo’s name catches her attention right away.

“-not leaving Mr. Baggins in charge again?”

“It would be kind of difficult, seeing he’s the reason I’m going” the old man replies good naturedly, taking out his pipe and lighting it up. “Besides, this time I’m not leaving long. Just a week- two, tops.”

“Two? Just how long do weddings last… where did you say you were going?”

Gandalf laughs. “Three or four days, mostly. But knowing Bilbo… We’ll the Baggins always knew how to throw a party.”

Thorin feels like someone has just punched her in the stomach. She forces air in and out of her lungs, since they seemed to have forgotten how to breath. Her head is spinning and she feels like she’s falling.

She stands up and leaves the roof, mindless of the men who stare at her confusedly, having not noticed her presence before. She somehow makes it back to her apartment and she heads towards her bedroom, where she collapses on the bed.

Wedding. A wedding. It’s been less that 5 months since Bilbo left, so how-?

The only explanation is that there was always a fianceé back home. And so everything makes sense now; Bilbo’s reluctance to start something, the way he disappeared in the middle of the night…

She doesn’t know if she feels relieved or horrified.

She stays lying there for a long while, at least until her siblings come back. She can hear their concerned voices, but she can’t make out the words they’re saying over the cacophony of emotions inside her.

“Bilbo’s getting married” She informs them, in a dreamlike state. “He’s marrying and Gandalf is going to the wedding.”

She thinks their siblings start arguing and then she thinks she hears Frerin leaving and Dís yelling after him. She thinks that at some point Fili and Kili come to check on the adults and then leave looking terribly worried. She thinks Dís tries to console her, but she’s not sure. It feels like she’s watching things happening to a distant version of herself; like nothing is real.

Sleep claims her at some point during the night and so she knows no more.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well… maybe it’s not as angsty as I originally thought. But I do enjoy complicating things, don’t you think? In my original sketch, Bilbo never left, Gandalf sorted them out and everyone lived happily ever after. And then I started writing and of course the idea ran away from me. I don’t know why I bother with sketches if I never follow them through…  
> Anyway, thoughts anyone?  
> Thanks for reading!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was the angst in the previous chapter a little too much? Maybe… I just… It made sense, you know? Considering how quickly this both jump into conclusions without have any actual conversations, I decided to go with yet another misunderstanding. But hey, things are finally going to get cleared up now!  
> On a related note, we only got 3 more chapters to go! Or 4, depending on whether or not I add the last one. I just- I’m not very satisfied with it. I think it works better as part of the one-shots series I’ve got planned so… How do you feel about a hopeful ending? The happy one is just not working…  
> Anyway, for now, enjoy?

Gandalf arrives a day early, but Bilbo doesn’t mind. He plays the part of the perfect host and he’s quite proud of himself, because he almost looks like he’s perfectly fine.

At night, while they sit outside in his mother’s garden, having a smoke, Bilbo finally gives into his curiosity and asks the question that has been burning in the back of his mind since Gandalf showed up. “How’s Thorin?”

The old man looks at him searchingly. Bilbo squirms a little under the intense scrutiny, but Gandalf finally answers. “As well as she can be, given the situation.” He tells him accusingly, like it was Bilbo’s fault… whatever situation she’s in.

“What about- what about Mr. Durin?”

“Frerin has actually stick around this time.” Gandalf replies calmly, but doesn’t elaborate. Bilbo can feel disappointment swallowing him whole and he quickly reprehends himself: he ought not to hope for Thorin’s unhappiness. Besides, even if Mr. Durin left again… what does he think that would accomplish?

There’s a knock on his door and while he’s confused, because it’s too late for visitors, after a quick glance in Gandalf’s direction and the man just shrugging, he goes to open the door.

The person on the other side is someone he didn’t expect to see again.

But then again, speak of the devil…

“Mr. Durin?”

The punch comes out of nowhere, closely followed by another and another one. Bilbo manages to get his wits back after the fourth and he actually starts to fight back then. He’s not match for someone of Frerin’s size and after his fight with Azog he had decided never to get involved into a fight again, but…

Frerin might be almost Azog’s size, but he’s not as a skilled fighter as the later. It’s obvious he hasn’t been in many fights and right now he’s just trying to punch Bilbo as much as he can, no finesse in his moves. Which would be kind of understandable, since Bilbo had been sort of romancing his wife while he was gone, if it wasn’t for the fact that he didn’t seem to care before (and he must have known. Dís had heavily implied telling him so)

And normally Bilbo wouldn’t have even thought of punching back, but this is the man who stole the love of his life by just showing up and Bilbo could look past that, he really could, if he wasn’t doing such a pretty crappy job of making Thorin happy.

So they both kick and punch the other as much as possible, before Gandalf shows up and forces them apart with his cane. “What’s the meaning of this?” he questions, in a tone that breaks no opposition.

“Thorin’s a mess!” Frerin exclaims, pulling his hair out of his face, looking impossibly handsome despite everything. “After you told her about the wedding-”

“First of all, I didn’t tell her anything. She just happened to be where I was talking to Mr. Greenwood. Secondly, how did you know where I was going?”

The blond shrugs. “Nori.” He replies, like that answered something and maybe it does. The middle Ri brother seems to have a way to procure whatever people might need, like tracking device.

Still, something it’s not adding up. “And just what did you think punching Mr. Baggins would accomplish?” Gandalf asks, in a tone that strongly reminds Bilbo of his mother and Frerin flinches.

“Nothing.” He replies, his tone a bit childish. “I just- She loved you, you know?” he tells Bilbo, glaring darkly. “And to find out you were engaged all along-”

“What?!” Bilbo exclaims, more than a little confused. Nothing i’s making even a little bit of sense. “I’m not- I’ve never- What about you?”

Frerin stares at him in mild confusion, but mostly he just seems pissed. Like he really wants to punch Bilbo again. Judging by how his cheekbone is starting to ache, he thinks he really should avoid to go back to that.

“What about me?” Frerin questions, oddly sounding both curious and like he couldn’t care less.

“You- You two- You’re married!”

There’s a long, tense silence after that. Frerin seems to be trying to put the pieces into a semblance of sense inside his head with very little success and Bilbo doesn’t feel like even trying to think about anything.

“You thought- Gosh, why would you think that?!” he exclaims, making a disgusted face. “Thorin’s my sister!”

Sister. Sister. That- that doesn’t- “I called her Mrs. Durin at first. She never corrected me.”

Frerin shrugs. “Don’t know; she sometimes is odd like that.” He makes another face. “Dude, gross! She’s my sister!”

Yes, that’s perfectly clear now. He’s still in shock, so he really isn’t feeling much just yet but- “and what about me being engaged?”

“Gandalf said you were marrying.”

“No, I said I was attending a wedding. And that Bilbo had helped organizing it. Your sister just didn’t listen to the whole conversation.”

“And you didn’t think of clarifying?!” Frerin demands, glaring at the old man, but Gandalf looks unmoved.

“Wait, wait. You said- is she okay?”

Frerin glares at him. “Of course not. She thinks the love of her life is getting married, how do you think she feels?”

Bilbo springs into action right then. He hurries into his bedroom, just grabbing his wallet, a coat and changing his shoes and then he’s out of the house, hurrying towards the bus station the catch the earliest bus back to Thorin.

“Wait, wait!” Frerin yells, catching up with him and seizing him by the shoulders. “So you left because you thought she was married?” Bilbo nods, not really paying attention, too busy thinking of what he’s going to tell Thorin once he finds her. “And you thought she slept with you while married?”

Well… to be fair… well, yes, he sort of did. But that doesn’t really matter right now, does it? Still, he nods once more. Frerin punches him again. “What-?!”

“So you leaving had nothing to do with the other thing?”

“What other thing?!” Bilbo demands, clutching his by now severely bruised nose.

Frerin narrows his eyes and then sighs. “Come on, I’ll give you a ride. And I’ll explain on the road.”

He really doesn’t want to get into a car with a man that just a few minutes ago used him as a punching sack, but he figures it might be for the best. It would certainly be the quickest way back to Thorin.

So he follows his (hopefully) soon to be brother-in-law into his car and gets ready to face the woman that apparently he left brokenhearted while he was trying to keep the pieces of his heart together.

Good Lord, how did this become such a big mess?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… as I said, this story is coming to its end. Thoughts anyone?  
> Thanks for reading!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters more to go! I decided to update early because I might end up terribly busy later today so… better safe than sorry!  
> Enjoy?

Thorin wakes up feeling marginally better than the day before. Thankfully, her sister has been considerate enough to leave her a small breakfast on the night table so she doesn’t even have to leave the bed. Considering she’s still feeling like she’s dying, she’s quite thankful.

It’s Sunday and Dís was supposed to leave today, but she doesn’t think her sister is leaving her right now. She spend the day before tragically crying her heart out after all, so to say Dís is worried would be an understatement.

Besides, Frerin is missing (again) so Dís is probably going to stay around long enough to yell at him.

She stays lying in bed for the most part of the morning, her mind blissfully blank. She aches inside, like someone has ripped her heart out, but she thinks that’s preferable than the numbness from Friday.

She hears someone knocking on the door, but decides she doesn’t care. She stays staring at the ceiling, until she hears yelling and so, with a sigh, she stands up and goes to investigate.

She finds her siblings screaming incoherently at each other, her nephews staring worriedly at them. She can’t summon enough energy to care, but she supposes she ought to stop them.

Only that’s when she sees him. Bilbo Baggins stands outside his apartment, holding his quickly swelling jaw, courtesy of Dís no doubt. He also has a black eye and a badly swollen nose, which she supposes are Frerin’s work. She stands there for a beat, just watching the man who broke her heart, who’s currently staring at her quarreling siblings and so hasn’t noticed her.

Bilbo turns then and when he sees her, he smiles at her bashfully. He looks terrible, to be totally honest, but Thorin’s heart still flutters at the small smile and that snaps her out of her stupor.

She takes a step closer to Bilbo and another and another. The man’s smile is a full grin now and something inside Thorin aches even worse, so she can’t really be blamed for what happens next.

She punches Bilbo with every inch of strength she has. He falls back, knocked out instantly and she’s vaguely aware of her siblings’ cries, but she hears nothing over the buzz inside her head.

A second later she collapses on the floor, crying softly into her hands while Dís hurries to fuss over her and Frerin moves next to Bilbo, to check on him. She knows they’re talking to her, but she can’t really make out their words.

She’s too tired and she feels sick, so she lets sleep claim her shortly after, nevermind her siblings’ concern.

* * *

 

She wakes up much later to Dís hovering over her bed. Her sister looks worried, so Thorin tries to smile to reassure her. The other female sighs. “Frerin took Mr. Baggins to the hospital. He- well, poor fellow was quite bruised.”

Thorin just stares at her sister, unsure about how she feels about her revelation. “You two- you two need to sit down and talk. And I mean really TALK, Thorin, not just- whatever you did before, because I really can’t understand how this bloody misunderstanding hold up for so damn long!”

Dís looks angry and Thorin must admit she’s slightly cowed by that. “What do you mean?”

Her sister shakes her head. “I’m not- It’s not my place to tell you. Just- really Thorin, this whole thing feels like a bad rom com” She sighs again. “I can’t believe you’re this emotionally constipated.”

She takes offense in that, but a sharp look from the younger female silences her protests, so she just nods. “Good. Now get some sleep; you’ve got a long day tomorrow. I’ve already called Bombur and let him know you’re taking the whole week off.”

She would protest, because she can’t really afford not to work a whole week, except that Dís is glaring at her again and so Thorin has no choice but agree.

Before she falls asleep again, she wonders what exactly is going on.

* * *

 

Bilbo shows up the next day, looking like he’s been through hell and back. Still, he smiles tentatively at her and Thorin tries very hard not to scowl at him. Judging by his face, she doesn’t quite succeed.

“Where’s Dís?” Bilbo questions, once he has taken a seat in the living room. Thorin sits in front of him, a teapot and a plate of scones between them.

“She’s with the Fundins. She said we ought to be alone for… this.”

Bilbo nods very seriously. “I’m- There are no words to express how sorry I’m about this whole mess, Thorin.” She looks away, her heart clenching painfully. “Although, to be fair, we’re both to blame.”

She stiffs at that, but Bilbo hurries to continue. “Let me finish. I- There’s much I need to explain and this time I think we really ought to say everything we want to say and not leave anything open to interpretation, because- because-” he shakes his head sadly. “I can’t go through this again. I just can’t.”

His tone is so heartbreaking that Thorin just nods, willing to listen despite her hurt. Her sister also told her that they needed to have a long, serious conversation, so she’s willing to that. In the end, regardless of how this might finish, she won’t find closure unless she has all the pieces of the puzzle.

So she picks up her cup of tea to have something to do with her hands and listens.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really bad at writing this resolution scenes. That might be because in real life I also suck at communicating, so… bear with me?  
> Thanks for reading!


	30. Last interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically, this chapter was meant to go between what it’s going to be the last chapter and the epilogue. But since I couldn’t decide on an actual epilogue, I’m gonna end the main fic with that…  
> Anyway, enjoy as I prolong the waiting for a little longer? (I’m a bad person, I know)

“It’s ridiculous, really. I mean, how could this misunderstanding hold up for so long?”

Frerin shrugs, playing with his food and Dís glares at him, because her sons, who worship their uncle, are doing exactly the same. “You know Thorin. It’s not exactly easy talking to her.”

“Just like you” Dís argues, crossing her arms over her chest. Frerin sighs.

“We’re not like you, Dís. Feelings don’t come easy to us.”

“Well, that might be the case, but-”

“She assumed things. He assumed things. Everything became a mess.” He shrugs again. “Story of my life really, so I can’t say I find them particularly stupid.”

It’s Dís turn to sigh and then she slaps his hand. “Stop playing with your food. What are you teaching your nephews?”

He laughs brightly, winking at both boys. The continue eating in silence for a while, both lost in thought. “I hope they work things out.” Dís says. “I rather liked Mr. Baggins.”

Frerin huffs. “Well, I’m sure as hell never going to like him… so your acceptance will have to do.”

“Why not?”

The older shrugs once more. “He broke my sister’s heart a exactly a week after I met him. I don’t think I’ll ever look past that.” He stares directly into his younger sister’s eyes, deadly serious. “If he makes Thorin  happy, I won’t protest, but it doesn’t mean I have to like him.”

Dís smiles brokenly. “You do care.”

The blond rolls his eyes. “Of course I do. You’re both my sisters.” He turns his attention back to his food. “Even if you’re incredibly exasperating.”

Dís kicks him under the table, earning a laugh out of him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts anyone? I hope the last chapter won’t be too disappointing, but I can make no promises…  
> On the bright side… I have another 2 bagginshield’s fics in the making. I might post the first chapter of one of them this week, so keep an eye open for that!  
> Thanks for reading!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the last chapter.   
> As I said, communication isn’t my forte. Most of my own relationship’s trouble strive from this so this might be a little anticlimatic, but I tried!!! Enjoy?

Talking is most definitely not their forte. The conversation that follows it’s full of awkward silences, half formed sentences, lots of stammering and lots of confused glances, but when everything is finally said and done, Bilbo feels like a huge burden has been lifted of his shoulders.

It’s ridiculous, really, how things got so complicated because neither of them were completely truthful the whole time and they both made assumptions and never bothered to make sure they got their facts right. This misunderstanding has caused far too much grief on both sides, but if it hadn’t, it would be kind of funny.

Maybe in a few years they can look back and find hilarious how silly they both were. Right now however, the hurt it’s still too fresh.

Thorin remains silent during his whole explanation, looking more troubled with each passing second. When he finishes his tale, she leans back on the sofa, closes her eyes and lets out a sigh. “I can’t believe this.” She whispers. “I can’t- God, I really never bothered to correct you, did I?” she lets out a dry chuckle. “This is beyond stupid, really.”

“I should have asked for clarification sooner. I mean- I really, really like you Thorin. I ought to- I ought to have been braver.”

She hums, still not looking at him. “Did my brother tell you about- about-”

“Your transition? Yes, he mentioned it. He didn’t- he didn’t go into details, because he said that’s something we ought to discuss, but yeah- I know.”

She sighs again. “I thought you knew. The whole time- a part of me thought that was why you kept your distance.”

Bilbo keeps quiet, wondering if that would have actually kept him away, in the beginning. It’s hard to say now, because he has already fallen in love with this marvelous woman so he can’t imagine not to, but if he had known in the beginning… he would like to think that no, it wouldn’t have mattered, but… well, he was born and raised in a rather traditional town, even if his mother was far from close minded, he sometimes finds himself agreeing with a lot of the town’s mentality.

Then again, that doesn’t matter anymore, does it?

“I can’t-” Thorin is looking at him now, her eyes bright with unshed tears. “There are things that my situation might make more- If I wasn’t- What I mean is- I’m most likely not what you’re used to. I’m a woman, but I don’t-” she gestures towards her body a bit hopelessly, obviously loss at the right words to convey what she’s feeling. “That makes me terribly self-conscious and quite insecure, so I don’t know- I really don’t know if I can do this Bilbo. I- This last few months were hell for me. Not only because the man I loved left without even giving me an explanation, but because it brought forward every single one of my self doubts. It made me question my worth and my ability to love and be loved.”

He nods very seriously. He went through a lot of heartbreak too, but it must have been even worse for Thorin, making her question everything about herself. “I understand. I don’t- I’m not really asking for another chance to try this out, Thorin. I want to, I really do, but- I’ll respect whatever decision you make.”

She snorts. “The thing is, I do want to try again. Stupid at it is…” she shakes her head, looking more than a little desperate. “I just don’t think I can go through the heartbreak again.”

“I think that we should be honest to each other then. I- This half truths we both tell; that’s just can’t happen anymore, if we’re going to make this work.” She nods, biting her lip nervously. “But if you’re not sure- Gandalf tells me a friend of his has an apartment that he’s renting, so I thought maybe I could move back into the city for a while and we could- we could try to be friends again. And then maybe- maybe we can discuss this again.”

She looks hesitant, but he can see in her eyes that she wants this as badly as he does. But he has hurt her in a very deep level and so he understands things just can’t magically go back to what they were. There’s much they need to discuss and this time around they really need to talk to each other.

Then Thorin nods with a very tiny smile on her lips and he figures that every struggle they may have yet to face, he’ll face it gladly because for that smile, every hardship is worth it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See what I mean? Still, I kinda like my ending. I intended it to be happy, but then I figured it was more realistic this way. I mean, if I’ve been dumped without an explanation, regardless of the reasons, I think I would be a little reluctant to getting back together and I felt that for someone in Thorin’s situation it would be even more complicated, so… you get me, right? I’m really terrible at this explaining thing...  
> Anyway, I’m dying to hear what you thought! I’ve had a blast with this story and I’m so terribly happy for the response it got! There are many things I left unexplored and in the end, I think it might have been a little more simplistic that I originally intended (especially considering the themes) but well… thank you so much for reading!  
> I still got a few scenes I want to write for this verse, so… keep an eye open for them! If you want to prompt anything, you can leave a comment here or at my [tumblr](http://ylc1.tumblr.com/). I can’t promise I’ll write them all, because it’ll depend greatly on my inspiration, but I’ll certainly try my very best!  
> And as I said, I’ve got two other stories I’m currently working on (well, three, but the other is a Jonhlock and you see why I can’t start seeing shows and enjoying them? I end up writing. As if I had the time!) Anyway, not sure when I’ll be posting them because I’m at lost of where I want one of the them to head and the other is turning out to be more difficult to write than I anticipated but well… keep an eye open for them too!  
> Thanks a million for reading!!! ;)

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me in my [Tumblr](http://ylc1.tumblr.com/)


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